Let Them Fall
by TheHatterMaddox
Summary: Shunsui/Ukitake. Ukitake and Shunsui are best friends, but even best friends have barriers and secret fears. After a thousand years, can they finally Let Them Fall? And where do Hanatarou, Byakuya and Nanao-chan fit in? Side pairings unknown. bad summary.
1. What Is and What Is Not

Hey folks! This is just one more fun thing I was suddenly inspired to create that will now distract me from working on Shatter Shatter Shatter Like So Much Glass (Kisuke/Ichigo), Into the Black (Sabstian/Ceil) and Wanderlust (Sasori/Hinamori). I really, really love Ukitake and the great relationship he has with Shunsui, and this is all about exploring all the nooks and crannies of their relationship. . . as they fall in love at long last!! It all started with the sudden realization that after he started getting better from an attack, Ukitake would really want to take a bath. But wouldn't have one. This, of course, is when Shunsui comes along and whisks him away to his house, which is of cousre equipped with a gorgeous master bathroom and bathtub. It's expanded quite a lot from that, but at the heart it's still the same. So welcome, one and all, to a study on the beautiful dynamic between Ukitake and Shunsui. Enjoy and review for updates and e-cookies (your choice of chocolate chip, snicker doodle, or sugar)!!!

NOTE: One cookie has been awarded to Snowkid, for pointing out my omission of Nanao-chan's visits. Thank you, thank you, thank you , thank you! I have fixed it, and elaboration will occur in the next chapter. To all Nanao, fans, I apologize for the over-sight, it has been corrected.

The Hatter Maddox

One:

Ukitake

I wanted nothing in this world or any other so much as I wanted a bath, much more than I had wanted anything in quite some time. Lying in my irritatingly comfortable bed, I cursed the former-owner of my home for preferring showers. Now, more than ever, I yearned for one, but the only bathtub was in the guest-house on the other side of the estate. I had turned that entire building into storage space because I was rarely well enough or of the desire to entertain more guests than the spacious main house could hold.

If I could bathe myself in the first place. In recent times my attacks, still damaging and painful, had grown less frequent and much less severe. It had given me confidence, pride even- something I could not afford. It also made an already crushing relapse that much worse. It came on what I had though was a good day. I woke up in the barest minimum of pain, no more than an echo of an ache in my muscles, did a good bit of paperwork, saw to my miniature garden, and took a suitably long tea-break to please even the most vigilant of my self-proclaimed care-takers. Then the message came: my presence was requested at an urgent Captains-only meeting. _Now._

I ran all the way. By the time I got there I could feel the intense strain on my body- I was shaking, my body flashed from hot to cold and back constantly, everything was one solid ache. I stood through the entire meeting (no chairs were provided) and listened actively to what everyone said, replying at the appropriate times.

I didn't collapse until Zaraki was half-way through his final speech, moments from the meeting's conclusion. It was a bad attack; my muscles spasmed, my head split open, I fell to my knees then forward onto the floor and I fear they had to replace the floors because there was no way that any amount of bleaching, scrubbing or kido could have gotten all the blood out of them. I just consider myself lucky that Kyoraku and Unohana got me out quickly. As I've said, I can't afford to be proud, but any shredded semblance of dignity I had left was stripped from me there as I lay spasming and coughing on the floor, seeing even the blessedly stoic Soi Fon shoot me a pitying look. Only Mayuri showed no pity, though his sheer condescension may have been the worst of all, for I kmnew that in his eyes I was unredeemably pathetic, broken even.

Looking back, that attack wasn't even half as bad as the continous and increasingly intense series I endured in the two following bedridden, blood-soaked, pain-strewn weeks. Captain Unohana and Isane-chan were at my side constantly, kept there by my continual attacks and unable to leave for fear that my already poor condition would weaken, and even with their abilities it was all I could do to sip some water most days. Shunsui tried to visit me, but more often than not was sent away after a hasty "feel better" because of my fragile peace or violent attacks or was allowed to stay only long enough to try to get a sip of clear broth into me (rarely with success) and sometimes to hold my head while it came back up a throat already raw and bloodied by constant hacking. Then, his strong hands were the only thing anchoring my tiny world of pain to the world I normally lived in, a world where breathing was possible, not my greatest source of pain.

On my part, to my intense shame, I didn't have the strength to speak to him beyond one "It's good to see you" and was in fact so immersed in my pain that I was rarely aware of his presence. I said it, and then I passed out- nearly twice as shameful as just trying to smile weakly as I stood in the door frame that was almost too short for him and smiled so I wouldn't notice how upset he was to see me suffering. How much it hurt him, not being able to help a friend in need. I pretended not to see through him. Today was my second day without the constant presence of Isane-chan or Unohana, though I had been visited three times already by a man named Hanatarou who shyly helped me get to the bathroom ( I walked assisted instead of being carried for the first time since collapsing). He also provided me some herbal tea prescribed by Unohana and a soup concocted by Isane which I managed to keep down if only barely.

Now, alone and thoroughly sick of the washed out white that surrounded me and so tired, I craved a bath the way the starved crave sustenance. I needed a tub full to the brim with hot, hot water, lots of steam, and even more soap, hopefully with some soft scent to it.

Unohana and Isane kept me clean of course, but I refused to be bathed by one of them, and it was the only wish of mine that they actually respected. It was a relief, but there is only so much that can be done with a washcloth, much as they tried. I could feel disease and illness hovering on my skin, clogging my pores and knotted into my lank, tangled hair.

Feeling terribly guilty and completely pathetic I reached out and tugged the rope which was promised to summon help. I tried not to look at my arm- pale and so thin that the bones were visible, like all my limbs it trembled when not lying still. Before I could set my hand down, Hanatarou slid the door open a crack and peeked uncertainly around it. I blinked in surprise, letting my arm drop to the bed, an unwise movement that sent jarring waves of dull rattling up my arm, through my shoulder and down my torso.

"A-are you alright Ukitake-taichou?" He asked, his features slightly more worried than normal.

"I'm fine." I hated the wispy, broken sound of my voice. So weak. Had I always been so weak? I feared the answer. "That was fast"

"Ah- Actually, I came because Shunsui-taichou wanted to see you." He looked absolutely terrified. I was sure that Shunsui had held him at sword-point, demanding to be brought to me. He'd probably threatened the poor boy within inches of his life, or used his soul pressure to push him.

He slid the door the rest of the way opened and stepped nervously in just in time for me to see Shunsui sheathing Katen Kyokotsu with a satisfied smirk. I fixed him with the best glare I could muster though it felt pitifully weak, even to me and Shunsui merely smiled his unyielding magnanimous smile. Secretly that fact that Shun cared enough to visit was my reason for fighting on my worst days, and the fact that he was here privately made me very happy. Even so, he needed to stop terrorizing the fourth squad. I _like _Hanatarou- he had a surprising way of being sarcastic and unusually kind in the same breath. I expect it's to do with thinking too little of himself and wanting to be of help anyway.

"Thank you Hanatarou" I rasped, flinching from the sound. "What is it Shun?" I whispered, the only thing I could manage without making my voice crack. He hadn't said anything (yet), but I knew Shunsui better than anyone else, and I knew he had come for a reason.

"I have to talk to you" He was edgy, agitated even. There was something of about his usually languid and laid back posture that was off, a sharpness that I didn't like in his features. His dark eyes were hot and intense, nothing like their normal mellow warmth.

"Sorry Shun, but I was about to have Hanatrou take me to the bathhouse. I'll meet you at your house right after, alright?" I asked, almost pleading, and feeling much worse about myself for turning down my best friend.

"Juushiro, how often do I ask for this kind of favor?" He asked as he approached, shockingly serious. Never, that was how often. He asked little things, stupid things, all the time, like money or a letter of approval, but not like this, not seriously. The last time was when Nanao became his Vice-Captain- he came to me in a panic because he couldn't bear her constant rejections. It was the closest I had ever seen him to losing his cool.

"I know" Even my _whisper _was breathy. Pathetic. I was pathetic. "But I need a bath" I protested, weakly- I could muster no strength- as he reached the bedside to look down at me (but not on me), face unreadable.

Kyoraku looked at me, thinking for a moment as he shook his head rapidly. "Don't be stupid Juushiro. The bathhouse is no place for you. I've got a huge bath tub at my place you can use. We'll talk then" Before he was finished making the very tempting offer he had already peeled back my many blankets and picked me up, moving more quickly than I could find the air to protest.

Even moving faster than some shinigami are capable of, Shun was as gentle with me as always- his arms were secure around me as he scooped me up, one under my knees and around my legs while the other supported my back and shoulders, his huge hand held the back of my neck. I was vaguely aware that Hanatarou was shouting down the hall after us as Shun ran, but my head was beginning to spin in the after-math of my swiftest movements in weeks, and I was forced to rest my cheek on Shun's chest rather than reply as I tried to hold my world steady.

"Okay" I managed to whisper, accepting Shunsui's offer far too late. Shunsui laughed, a deep rumble in his chest that I could feel vibrating through my skull. I felt a hot red blush mantling my cheeks.

The hallways blurred with the speed, tilting wildly like a boat in a storm, and in all the universe the only steady thing was Shunsui, holding me steady as the world careened crazily around me. My stomach lurched, and I turned a little in Shunsui's arms to bury my face in the crook of his neck. He slowed down just a little and I could feel him shift his grip to a more secure hold, but he didn't stop. Every turn felt sharp, sending me spinning in a different direction. I clung to Shun, desperate for the solidity he provided me. Shun slowed to a walk, then cursed long and hard at his door as he tried to open it one handed while somehow supporting me with the other. When he finally stepped inside I was shaking, my breath tightening into a thick knot in my throat. My stomach lurched again, then settled uneasily as my head whirled.

I coughed weakly into Shunsui's shoulder, holding on to him with all of my limited strength. I coughed harshly a few more times, struggling to pull air into my aching lungs as Shun cradled me against his warm chest and stroked my back as the dry hacking wracked my body. The coughing subsided to rough rattling breaths and I curled into Shunsui's arms, in too much pain to be ashamed of being held like a child. I bit my lip so hard against the pain, coursing through me like punishing waves of fire and hammers beating my chest that I tasted yet more coppery blood on my tongue and began to shake with the effort.

Shunsui, gratefully didn't say anything- I know my silent tears would have turned into full sobbing, which would have been excruciating. Instead I drew breaths that rattled like shaken bones, keeping my face on Shun's neck as he held me closed to him, walking all the while. I could feel his steady, even breath stirring my hair and eddying and swirling about my neck, brushing my ear. It was soothing, having him close, because I knew there wasn't a trace of pity in him or what he was doing like there was in everyone else. Just protection, just doing anything for a friend in the way he always had. That was probably what made Shun so special to me- he alone treated me the same after witnessing the tuberculosis, and he was willing to do anything, no matter how self-destructive, or illegal or painful it was for a friend. When we were younger I think he would have killed anyone in Soul Society for any one of our friends or even me. Still might, though he was less inclined to violence and more inclined to peace. He alone, in an existence where nothing could be certain, where in an instant I could be plunged from perfect health to oxygen-starved spasms, only Shunsui was always the same.

My varying degrees of passable health and deathly illness came and went, but Shun never did. It wasn't that he ignored the tuberculosis like some of our friends in the Academy had tried to- if he had I'd be dead a million times over by now. He just didn't let it change the way he saw me, something so rare I was hard put to find it anywhere else. Whether or not it was true, in Shun's eyes I was at least as strong as all of the other Captains, or stronger. Where someone else might shrink from giving me an active mission Shun would let me do my duty like any other shinigami. I was able to do that duty less often than I liked, but when I was able, Shun, unlike my other comrades, never tried to discourage me from doing it. Even my own squad members couldn't do that, preferring instead to coddle their pathetic, weak, unwell captain. They meant well, and I appreciated the intense love and desire to protect me that motivated them, but it still stung like a smack in the face.

Wrapped up in my thoughts and Shun's arms, I barely noticed when the world stopped spinning and my breathing eased at last. I felt Shunsui move to open another door, but I didn't move.

A few more long strides and he was setting me down in the center of his bed. I blinked disconcertedly, eager and curious to see his new quarters- I hadn't seen Shun's room since he moved out of his penthouse apartment to this estate, abandoned by a lesser branch of the Shihoin family.

Two of the oddly shaped room's six walls were taken up by traditional paper sliding doors patterned with sakura petals while the others were painted a pink that verged on white. The wood beams and all the furniture were made of rich mahogany. The matching floors were strewn with clothes that could have been days, weeks, or even months old but hadn't quite covered up the obviously expensive mahogany.

"The room used to be the Lady's. I liked it so much I didn't bother remodeling the Lord's room. I'm gonna go run the water?" Shun explained, looking pleased with himself and grinning crookedly as he propped me up on an enormous stack of pillows. "I'll be right back" He turned on his heel, and left whistling and pulled the screen door shut behind him.

The bed was comfortable, much nicer than my own with silk, sakura patterned sheets and a thick pink comforter that had not been made up, but left thrown half across the bed in typical Shunsui style. The only light came in through a paper-screened window and from a few paper lanterns; everything was quiet except the sounds of running water and Shunsui whistling.

I laid back and closed my eyes, enjoying the stillness. My head was light and airy like it was full of clouds and balloons, but the throbbing had receded and while my breathing was still heavy it was not truly painful. My muscles had gone loose and languid, lessening their constant ache. A knot inside me dissolved- I had missed Shunsui these last few weeks. I remember seeing him only about three times since me relapse thought the fourth squad told me he had come almostevery day the first week and every other day or so the next week. Kuchiki-kun had visited several times though I don't recall seeing him at all, as did Hisagi-san and Abarai-kun. Nanao-chan accompanied Shunsui on his visits several times and came on her own another four or five times while I was unconscious, sitting beside me, holding my hand an d talking to me, something I recalled in my dreams as a warmth in my hands, and a reprieve from the pain, marked only by an unrecognizeable, undistinguishable vioce telling me to get better, and soon, because Shunsui was waiting. I think hearing her voice just set of my imagination, because Isane told me happily of her reports of Shunsui's antics (worse than usual), something which was much more like Nanao. The Commander came twice when I was asleep, and Hinamori-chan even stopped by once. Hitsugaya-san and Matsumoto-chan came together twice, something I do have a hazy memory of, though I had been covered in blood and just coming down from a coughing fit. They brought a CD player and a nature sounds CD smuggled in by Rukia who had been happy to oblige, sending me her fond best wishes and was happier still to accept their heavy bribes in chocolate. Nearly everyone, Mayuri's girl Nemu included, wished me well or asked after me at least once, but those who consistently asked where those same people who visited.

Mostly, their well-wishing and questions were of little meaning to me- it was nice of them, but it was hardly more than politeness and common courtesy if I was being honest.

Kuchiki-kun's visits I appreciated, because it was a surprisingly kind gesture from him and because he's the kind of man who would not have come if he didn't care. An amused Unohana told me he had inspected their work stations and me and ordered Isane, who was watching me while Unohana made medicines, to take the best care of "one of our greatest captains". Hitsugaya-kun and Matsumoto-san's gestures were touching- I was close to neither of them, but while I only saw them once and they only saw me twice, they tried many more times during their lunch breaks and after their long, shifts, but where thwarted by Isane's absence or sleep. Since I was unconscious, or on the verge of it when they visited I hadn't been able to thank them yet though I'd had Isane convey my thanks, which they had shrugged off. Matsumoto had apparently told Hitsugaya "I told you so" that I would like it. Hitsugaya reportedly ignored her and said it was nothing. Isane-chan too was touched- apparently both Toushiro and Rangiku had been truly worried for me and upset by my illness if Isane-chan was to be believed. According to her Hitsugaya had never looked so upset and Matsumoto wasn't even able to bounce around. Shun's constant visits were by far the most important to me, even so. I told myself not to, told myself it was stupid, but in the end I depended on them and on him; because knowing that Shun still cared, was still there for me, waiting for me to be well again and believing in me was often the only light in a day that from sunrise to sunrise held nothing but suffering, pain and so much blood.

What a pathetic thing my existence came down to if I relied on the visits of one man for all the joy in my day. It was my inner cynicist speaking, but I couldn't entirely discredit what it said. While I could hold strong, would keep fighting no matter what, I felt little true joy at the bottom of my decline, and Shunsui was the source of it, a message from him renewed my will to fight, doubling my strength. I opened my eyes, alerted to Shunsui's presence by the sound of the door. Behind him I could see pink and thick clouds of steam that seemed to invite me in.

"You can't walk, right?"

"No" I whispered, feeling my cheeks go pink as the shame returned with the acidic cynical thoughts. Shunsui asked it casually, as if it was unimportant. As if it was normal for one of the Gotei Thirteen to be unable to stand on his own. As if I weren't weak, pathetic.

He scooped me up easily; despite the fact that Shunsui was barely two inches taller than me, barely wider I had always seemed much smaller than him. Pale, slender and almost constantly in a delicate state of health combined with Shunsui's facial hair, much more apparent by comparison, just made him seem larger.

Even at almost his size, I fit easily into his muscular arms, and it seemed the most natural thing in the world for him to carry me after all these years. Where other men shrank from contact or affection, Shun and I had always been openly affectionate; we hugged and walked down the street with our arms wrapped around each other's shoulders, or just leaned on each other for support when we wanted to. If I was upset, I could lean on his shoulder or let him hold me and no one would think anything of it because that was the way we had always been. I loved the contact, just being able to touch, even just the brush of fingertips when I was unsure made me feel more real, more steady. Now, Shunsui's arms casually supporting me made me feel safe and went helped to make me feel a little less weak because he wasn't coddling me or fussing at me. He might have been carrying me for no better reason than saving me the walk because I was tired and no one (me included) would ever know the difference from the way he walked- he was relaxed, not taking care not to bump or jostle me, which I could expect from anyone else.

The bathroom, unsurprisingly, was pink and white everywhere. Three white walls and one pink one, a pink and white tiled shower and white marble floors swirled with veins of rose. At the center of the room's design was the bathtub; a feat that made my jaw go lax in surprise when I first caught sight of it. Shunsui was grinning widely what I was sure was his very most pleased grin- he looked like a cat let at the cream- but I ignored him. I kept my heart beat even by sheer force of will, refusing to let it race like it wanted to.

Shorter than my six foot by only half a foot and deeper than any bathtub I'd ever seen, it made me instantly grateful that Shunsui had volunteered it's use- public baths could never compare and if he hadn't offered, I would have imposed myself on him. The water was running and though the tub was only almost a third full, the room was full of steam that completely fogged all the mirrors. I took a deep breath of steam, letting the vapor fill my lungs and throat, soothing and loosening all it touched. Already I could feel my throat opening and my lungs easing.

"Thank you" I said softly, taking pleasure in how easily I could speak, and looked up into Shun's face, shadowed by his hat. His perpetual smile widened and I could read in the set of his eyes how glad he was that he could finally help me. It was hard on him, I knew, watching me in pain never able to help, which was one reason he loved to do these little things for me, why I didn't stop him.

"Don't worry about it" He brushed it off, like a fleck of dust of his sleeve, treating it as inconsequential, just like he always did when he was helping me out with some little favor. Shun set my feet gently down on the floor, still supporting my weight with one arm looped around my waist, hand splayed on my back.

"You can get your yukata, right?" I flushed slightly. To his immense credit Shun didn't even blink, just looking expectantly into my eyes the way he would if he asked me if I wanted another drink. I nodded, noting happily that my head barely swam and untied my obi with hands that shook a little less. After so many centuries, I felt no embarrassment at undressing in front of him- only shame. He knew my body as well as I knew his, knew what I looked like strong, so I felt shame, clawing at my guts with burning talons. Shame in the visible weakness of my body, shame in how good his steady hands felt on my bare, cool skin, shame in the fact that I wanted his eyes to linger on me longer, to really take in my appearance.

I have loved Shunsui almost longer than I can remember. I have known even longer that we could never be together. Shunsui loved life, and energy and beauty, three things I could never give him. Shunsui had always loved beautiful women, and had come to love Nanao-chan, a love I could see was true and strong. Shun would never, ever be mine.

***

Aaaaw, poor Ukitake!! Poor Ukitake is down on himself. Whatever can Shunsui do? You'll have to wait and see! I feel really good about this, and the way I've set things up, as well as my devious plan for the future. This chapter was very Ukitake-centric, but if you're a Shunsui fan, please don't worry because we'll be getting a lot more Shunsui, and soon! So review, review, review and if you REALLY love me, favorite. It makes me feel special. When I feel special I write, and when I write posts come. So, there you go.

Thanks to all,

The Hatter Maddox!


	2. What Has Been

Hey, people! This might just be my fastest update EVER! (waits for applause **silence** , then continues, disappointed)In this chapter I cover some background on the relationship, thus the title "What has been", and bring in Nanao-chan. And what is her place in all this, anyway? Read, and discover. Also, people who want other side-pairings should tell me in a review or message. I'm not sure how I'm gonna pair up everyone else yet, and suggestions are welcome, no matter how insane or crack-induced (gotta love those crack pairings), so let your imaginations run rampant. Or walk rampant, whatever suits your fancy. As long as it's very, very rampant. I may not use all suggestions, but please suggest away, because . . .um. . .I said so. P.S check out my forums plz- NO ONE has posted on them and it makes me sad.

Note: Once again, thanks to Snowkid- the end of this chapter was only possible because of your review.

Happy reading to all,

The Hatter Maddox

Two

What Has Been

Shunsui had known, had hated, for a long time that Juushiro was stronger than he was. He didn't mean his friend's reiatsu- he hated that Juushiro was so much more independent than him.

Back in the Academy days, before he had experienced Juushiro's fits first-hand, Juushiro seemed, in every possible way, the stronger one. Where Shunsui's records and reputation were foggy, unclear in all areas from his bouts of intense, deep depression, to his drinking, to his chancy grades, Juushiro had always been pristine.

He was always the best student and the best friend, shinigami, officer, team-mate, subordinate; an easy going optimist, if anyone other than Shunsui had seen him drunk (he could count the times in all their centuries of school on his fingers), they weren't sharing. Between his effortless social skill and unparalleled reiatsu, Ukitake easily rose into everyone's esteem, becoming one of the best liked and most respected shinigami in the Academy, renowned for his kindness, excellent advice, undying loyalty and fighting prowess, Shunsui knew he could never escape his friend's looming shadow.

The first time Shunsui witnessed one of Juushiro's attacks was still branded into his mind as clearly as the day it happened. Juushiro was at the one desk in their tiny dorm, studying for a test while Shunsui played cards on the bed. He was shuffling one handed, about to deal the cards for a round of solitaire, and the next thing he knew his pale friend had fallen out of his chair. He jumped from the bed, the forgotten cards falling to the floor. By the time a frantic Shunsui reached him, Juushiro had already begun hack dark, slick blood onto the wood floor as his friend searched desperately for a way to help. Unable to do anything for him, Shunsui ran, shouting for the 4th division, seeing Ukitake's blue lips, and pain-twisted features as he went. Ukitake, blue in the face from lack of oxygen, shaking violently and still coughing blood that splattered his face and his white robes, was taken to the infirmary for treatment and observation.

Shunsui sat through the night, unable to sleep. In the morning, long before the other trainees were awake, he went to Captain Unohana with dark circles under his eyes and asked her to teach him everything she knew about tuberculosis. Shunsui made spent the entire morning with her, then made a rare trip to the library, reading up while his friend was in the care of the 4th division. By the time Ukitake returned to the room Shunsui had found and memorized even the most obscure emergency treatments, facts and symptoms of tuberculosis available in a feat of almost photographic memory he had never known he was capable of. He had decided, with a steely will that he would protect Juushiro before anything else; from enemies to chores, he swore to intercept anything that might push the frailer man toward relapse without ever letting him notice. Shunsui had always been one of the most loyal people in their circle of friends, but it was only after that point that people began to notice his developing fierce devotion- he fiercely defended anyone in his and Ukitake's circle of friends and Ukitake above all else from bullies, enemies, gossip and anything under the sun that he could stop. After that episode, Ukitake was distant if friendly; staying aloof out of his shame and Shunsui found that despite his best efforts Juushiro stayed just out of reach. He could sense his friend's shame, but unable to think of a way to mend things without hurting Ukitake further, did nothing. Years passed, and Ukitake began to accept his friendly gestures, allowing Shunsui to slip an arm around his shoulder on the way to classes or help him pick up dropped books, and the two instantly closed the gap in their friendship almost as if it never existed, and Ukitake understood more than ever that Shunsui did not pity him, but fear for him.

After the incident, Shunsui memorized Ukitake's reiatsu, ingraining the way it felt in every possible circumstance into his mind until he could tell if Ukitake was uncomfortable, happy, angry, coughing a little or having an attack and determine its severity from anywhere within the same building as him. Awake or asleep, training drinking or even adding a chapter to his catalogue of meaningless romantic conquests, he always knew where Ukitake was and if he was alright. He was the first to know anything and everything about Juushiro, sometimes anticipating an attack before it could occur, and he always came running the minute his friend was endangered, wishing furiously that Juushiro would come running to him, just once. He made sure to never let Juushiro know, and the otherwise discerning shinigami, otherwise impossible to fool, never guessed.

Things continued that way, until Juushiro was offered a position under Captain Kuchiki Byakuya. There was no accompanying offer for Shunsui and they both knew that one would not be coming. Tensions grew as they finished Juushiro's last semester in the Academy; Shunsui fretted and slept with more girls in vain hopes of distracting himself and succeeded only in seeing Ukitake's unhappy features as he lie sweaty over a girl who's name he'd barely known for hours while Juushiro dreaded his immanent separation from Kyoraku. When the day came, Ukitake packed and Kyoraku "helped" folding clothes haphazardly and disorganizing everything to the best of his ability.

Despite Kyoraku's best efforts, Ukitake eventually packed all his things, which were sent ahead to his new lodgings on the Kuchiki estate.

Shunsui stood, leaning casually on the wall and not letting Juushiro now that his heart was pounding painfully in his chest, wanting him not to leave, fearing what might happen to him while he was away. Not telling him that he was so scared that Juushiro would die on some mission without him there to protect him, or that he would collapse hacking blood without anyone to help him. Not showing even a little how much it would hurt being away from him. Ukitake stood in the middle of the room, paler than usual with stress and didn't pretend to relax. He came over and hugged Shunsui as he so often did, putting all his strength into wrapping his arms around him so tight that Kyoraku's ribs creaked, his breathing constricted. Shunsui didn't move, somehow kept breathing past the stabbing pain in his throat, wondering if that was what Ukitake felt like during his attacks. Then he did something that wasn't usual, even for them- he leaned up the few inches to Shunsui's face and kissed his cheek, keeping his lips on Shunsui's cheek for a second that stretched into eternity. He pulled back, taking half a step back and loosening his grip on Kyoraku's unmoving torso, waiting. He pulled away, almost angrily, turned suddenly and walked out, desperately wanting Shunsui to come after him, wanting anything. Kyoraku didn't move, just stood there heart hammering, until his friend was long gone, sliding down the wall to sit, face buried in his hands.

Shunsui didn't sleep that night, unable to rest without the knowledge that Ukitake was on the bunk above him, in easy reach in case of an emergency, eyes unable to drift shut without the Juushiro's familiar reiatsu there to lull him into a sense of security (Juushiro's security, if not his own). On the far side of SeiReiTei, in an austere, beautifully empty room Juushiro cried himself silently to sleep, painfully stifling the already agonizing violent coughs that resulted, wracking his body with pain like stabbing needles and cutting broken glass that cut at his body and his heart. He woke up in pain and alone, dried blood covering his face and clumped in his hair and on his pillow. He spent the entire day staring out the widow of his new room onto the new garden that Kuchiki-taichou said he could visit as often as he liked, didn't even consider visiting it and wished for Shunsui to help him end the cycle of blood and tears.

Those were some of Juushiro's worst days: not in poor enough health to bother Unohana he was still ill enough that waking up with a yawn was an intensely painful process. He was quiet, confident, and gaining fast in reputation, Juushiro Ukitake was by far the brightest of the Academy's latest graduates and even with that debilitating disease too. In the months that followed, Juushiro pushed himself harder than ever, pushing for and reaching greater heights of achievement than ever before. He was often counseled on the most classified, most controversial issues by Captains and Lieutenants alike, and even the Commander took him into confidence despite his rank as Kuchiki-taichou's vice-captain's second seat, which he wasn't kept to for long. He advanced ranks rapidly, moving on to become Kuchiki-taichou's vice-captain and nearly his captain's equal as Kyoraku also rapidly improved.

Recognized as the dark horse of the latest graduates and his new squad, it was rumored that Shunsui might be offered a position as captain or vice-captain soon. During this time they saw each other rarely and for moments at a time. Kyoraku spent not-quite-as-much time drunk but almost as much time sleeping around. Ukitake was seen walking home from a nicer bar with a female subordinate, and it soon got out that they were dating. Shunsui tried not to show the gossiper that he felt a knife go through his heart at the words, but took mild interest. Later that week he saw Ukitake kiss her under a street-light and rush her back to his rooms. Shunsui spent the weekend drowned senselessly in the bottom of a too-big bottle of sake, surrounded by female squad members who tried but mostly failed to take advantage of his intoxication, sighing to themselves that whoever he was pining after or mourning couldn't be worth it.

It was over a year before they were properly reunited at some social event, Ukitake as the strongest of all the vice-captains and Kyoraku as the rising second-seat who promised to do far better once he gained trust and respect. The moment Juushiro was in sight, Shunsui flash stepped to him sweeping him into a crushing embrace that knocked the air from his lungs. Ukitake successfully passed of the tears that pricked his eyes as caused by pain, not joy, and his heart soared. The two spent the rest of the even catching up over their favorite, sake a smooth strawberry infused brand that was among the most expensive served at the event. Ukitake was too delighted to notice that it was Kuchiki-taichou quietly paying of the bill at the end of the night not Shunsui, who nodded his respectful thanks and received only a sliver of a knowing smile in return as the captain walked away. Byakuya was just glad that the iced-over wound in Ukitake's heart, so much like the one in his own had melted and begun to heal. Ukitake wasn't the only one on the estate who was up late, though Byakuya spent his night much more somberly, watching the moon and envying his vice-captain.

After that night's reunion they grew close again, inseparable in any important sense. They spent their weekends together and never wondered why Kuchiki-taichou always gave his Vice-captain holidays with the 3rd squad instead of with the rest of the 6th squad, accepting his excuse of not wanting everyone off at the same time at face value. On Fridays Shunsui became a staple in the 6th squad office, his absence marked unconsciously by everyone there as an omen, just as Ukitake's absence in the 3rd division on a holiday was regarded, almost superstitiously as a sigh of bad luck for the remainder of the holiday.

They were sitting in a park during lunch, Shunsui with a bottle of sake that would have dropped anyone else stone-cold drunk while he merely felt a buzz and Juushiro holding a pleasantly warm mug of green tea when they were summoned by the lieutenant of the first squad to the Commander's office to receive their new captain's uniforms. Kyoraku's shouts combined with the shattering of the sake bottle echoed down the hallways, causing many a broken pencil, Ukitake dropped his tea, producing a loud _crack _and a green puddle that mixed with the sake on the floor, and the hysterical laughter could be heard from anywhere in the building. Yamamoto just smiled, hands clasped on his cane and called for someone to clean up as his favorite students collapsed into the chairs across the desk wheezing with laughter and clutching each other's arms.

Well-liked and respected by all, both made names for themselves almost immediately, as the friendliest captains and the best friends to be found in all of SeiReiTei. Their friendship thrived, fed by their increased independence and stature. Under Juushiro, the thirteenth division experienced renewed organization, and became a much more sought-after division while Shunsui increased the strength of the previously smaller and weaker eighth division, developing loyalty and determination.

They were brought together again during Aizen's rebellion, standing together against Yamamoto-sensei, their teacher, who just like Shunsui, had always recognized Juushiro as the stronger pupil.

Even now, rarely able to fight without collapsing, people still saw Ukitake as stronger. Even after a thousand years, Shunsui hadn't brought himself to admit why he wanted to be stronger that Ukitake, the one thing that kept him with Ukitake and kept him away from at the same time. After a thousand years, he still couldn't admit that he was afraid that after dedicating his life to protecting Juushiro, the love he couldn't admit to in his own mind might hurt his friend more than anything else ever could. After a thousand years, Shunsui still hated to be weak.

***

Ise Nanao was far more fond of her Captain than she would ever let anyone know. Ise Nanao also knew Kyoraku better than anyone, except Ukitake-taichou and she wasn't afraid to tell anyone, no matter what they might say about it. Ise Nanao knew when something was wrong, and she knew how to deal with it on the rare occasion that something really did bother Shunsui. Ise Nanao, was very, very worried.

Nanao had suspected vaguely for nearly a century that her Captain had feelings for the captain of the Thirteenth Division and was almost certain that he definitely had feelings for her captain. In light of that discovery, she rejected Shunsui without reserve hoping that Ukitake would catch him "on the rebound" or that he would realize for himself if she didn't show any interest. She gave advice and pulled strings from the sidelines whenever he got depressed over his friend's seeming lack of dependence on him, or Ukitake's distance or some other thing. She had become an expert at deftly sending him to Ukitake for confirmation that he was needed and cared for without him ever suspecting a thing, and though he was always a bit melancholic over the relationship he usually returned to her in good cheer so she could bully him into doing some work without feeling guilty about it.

The minute Ukitake entered the meeting, Ise, attending as official secretary, felt her sense of well-being dissipate- it took only one look at his face to know that after a long remission he was slipping again. She struggled through the meeting, eyes on Ukitake, biting her tongue so she didn't ask someone to get him a chair and hurt his already weak pride.

When he wobbled and collapsed in the middle of Zaraki's speech, gasping and coughing, struggling for air in the middle of Zaraki-taichou's speech she felt her heart sink, twisting in sympathy as the fair-haired man's features twisted in agony, writhing on the floor. Out of the corner she caught the split-second of terror in Shunsui's face, unmatched by anything she'd ever seen from him, then he and Unohana were springing into motion, getting him onto his side, holding his head and calling for a stretcher.

In the thick silence after Unohana's people carried him away with Shunsui hot on their heels, she was the first to speak, calling for someone to clean the pool of dark blood that slicked the floors. In the end no amount of scrubbing could banish the stain from the pale wood and Yamamoto told the janitors to have the floor replaced the next day. Nanao was forced to stay and jot mindless records of the rest of the meeting which lasted until after the sun had set.

It took one guess and a tentative probe of reiatsu to locate Shunsui, pacing the 4th division's main waiting room, spiritual energy pulsing, barely checked from flattening everyone else in the room. It only took a few small, manageable flash steps to reach it. Nanao checked her watch- almost eleven thirty- and walked inside.

"Taichou, stop it" She ordered sharply, arms crossed. Shunsui whirled to face her, surprise plastered almost comically, ominously across his normally unflappable face.

"What?"

"Your spiritual pressure. You're pushing on everyone in the room. It's heavy, even for me." She told hi pointedly, arching her brows as she shot him a look over her glasses. Immediately he reined his pressure in completely, producing a chorus of sighs and other relieved noises to which he muttered an apology, pushing his hat farther down on his face.

"Sorry I couldn't be here sooner." Nanao _was _sorry, both for the sake of anyone in the room with an upset Shunsui and for the captain himself.

"Worried about my well-being Nanao-chan?" He asked teasingly, his eyes not hopeful as they were just yesterday, but dark. Nanao couldn't decide if she should worry or be relieved.

"I'm worried about Ukitake-Taichou" she corrected sternly, adding mentally to herself _And you. I'm always worrying about you, you fool. _"Have you heard anything?" she asked, the hope creeping into her face.

Shunsui's features tightened, his smile wavering under the pressure of fear that rose in his throat like bile. He pressed it down and the smile remained intact, if nervous.

"Nothing." He told her, fidgeting, unable to keep still "Nothing at all"

Nanao arched a brow, sending out questing tendrils of reiatsu in search. "_Don't_" the Captain's grip on her shoulder was almost breezing. He was close, and _not _smiling. "Don't" Nanao's mouth opened for a split second and Shun allowed himself a tiny grin at the total shock on her face.

"His reiatsu goes clear through the wards on the operating room. You don't want to feel it Nanao. Trust me." About to protest, he turned and met her eyes. She snapped her mouth shut- one look into his pained eyes and grim face was enough to tell her that she did _not _want to feel the spiritual pressure coming from that room. If Ukitake-taichou's normal spiritual pressure when fighting was anything to go by (stronger than her captain's) it might be painful, or knock her unconscious. She couldn't help her captain if she was unconscious.

"You did." The captain smiled grimly and nodded once. A chill crept down Nanao's spine- Kyoraku was _never _that dark. _Never_.

"I did."

"And?" she prompted, hiding her anxiety behind a mask of impatience which earned her a twitch of his lips. She lifted her brows, pretending she didn't know exactly what they were doing- distracting themselves and each other.

"Bad, Nanao-chan. Worse than he's had in at least three hundred years. Maybe four." He told her quietly and she didn't ask how he knew. Didn't force him to reveal that he was always tuned into the other captain's reiatsu. "Nanao, I hope you never have to feel that kind of spiritual energy. Ever." He added. She had felt the one weak spike, as the captain collapsed, but she could feel him struggling to hold it back, then he was gone. The sharp stabbing pain in the spiritual energy, the sickness of it made her head swirl, he stomach knotting itself and attempting to rise into her throat. Daggers stabbed into the backs of her eyes and her vision went black on the edges. She agreed whole-heartedly with her captain, and couldn't help but be warmed by his eyes and the gesture- the dark warmth there repeated what he'd said in pure sentiment: he never wanted her to have to feel that kind of pain, not from someone she loved. Not like he was feeling.

"You're still feeling it, aren't you? You could pull back you know." She told him, pushing her glasses up and knowing already that it was a pointless suggestion. He blinked. _How could I not notice? _She thought at him. How could she not notice the pallor to his skin, the sweat beading on his forehead, the tiny, tiny tremors every so often in his arms? How could she not know that he hadn't once stopped feeling that terrible spiritual energy?

He shook his head. "I'm fine" He lied. He wasn't telling her that every second hurt. He wasn't saying that every stab of pain was made a millionfold by the fact that it was dulled by the wards, that what Ukitake felt was so much worse and he could do nothing about it. He didn't tell Nanao that the pain, stabbing, burning and pounding at him was better than not knowing; better than wondering if maybe he was gone. He didn't tell her that even with Unohana's healing reiatsu flashing and washing over him and Ukitake with incredible strength, he was scared; that his heart was still pounding away. He didn't tell her, but she knew, just looking at him.

"I'll wait with you. Let's sit here" she pointed to two abandoned seats in a corner and threw him into one as she sat in the other. He looked at her, pleased surprise on his face for the second time that night, mingling with gratitude. Gratitude because he wouldn't have to wait alone. He smiled, and she recrossed her arms, nudging her glasses a little farther up on her nose. Shunsui was able to sit until midnight. He paced through twelve fifteen, then slumped defeatedly into a chair, pushed his hat over his face and looked asleep but for his tensed clenching and unclenching hands, tight on the arm rest at twelve forty. At one A.M Nanao was stiff from sitting, scared for Ukitake and very worried about Kyoraku who was standing, back against a wall, the shaking of his arms visible across the room. At 1:05, Nanao called had had enough.

"Taichou, it's time to go home" Nanao's voice cracked the first time, so she cleared her throat and started again. "Unohana will have someone tell you if anything happens. We'll come back tomorrow. Now let's go" She ordered, pulling herself to her feet, rolling her shoulders and stretching her back with a few loud pops.

"You go, Nanao-chan. I'll see you tomorrow" Meaning he was planning on still being here when she came in the morning. Meaning he was going to try to stay the night. Not on Nanao's watch, not if she had to pull him out by the collar of his ridiculous yukata.

"No way" Nanao crossed her arms, pursed her lips and glared at him, getting the third surprised look of the night. "Taichou, it's one in the morning" she told him, the way she might someone too stupid to figure it out on their own. Shunsui was nonplussed. "You need to go home now" she informed him pointedly, as prickly as ever.

"I knew you were worried about me" He smiled tiredly, crossing his own arms loosely over his partially revealed chest. This wasn't very effective, because just then his fingers twitched, more sweat beading on his forehead, his jaw clenching behind the unmoving smile.

"Taichou, this is ridiculous. I've seen you jump out of bed in the middle of the night because he had a nightmare. If anything happens you'll know. There's no point wearing yourself thin like this. Ukitake-taichou wouldn't approve" She reproved him, everything about her suggesting that she was scolding a misbehaved child. Shunsui's mouth open, working silently as he tried to work out how much _exactly _Nanao knew.

"How-?"

"I have eyes, Taichou. You worry about him. _I know_." She stopped him short, looking just as tired as him. "Lots of times its good- sometimes if you didn't find him, no one would have known until it was too late." Shunsui looked as if ghosts had passed over his grave, remembering how close it had been. "_This is not one of those times_" She drove the words home, approaching him to look furiously, desperately up into his eyes. "You got him here, to Unohana. _Safe_." She emphasized the word, drawing it out to twice its normal length. "There is _nothing you can do_" She told him, watching each word prick him like a needle. He hated to feel useless, hated not being able to help, and she knew it. She hated to see him frightened, and he helped no one here, Ukitake included. Nanao imagined she was doing the fair-haired captain a service- he wouldn't have wanted Shunsui to sit (or pace, rather) through the night in the waiting room, hoping for news of him. She could imagine the dismay on his face perfectly, and she cared about her Captain, more than she liked to admit, so she decided pushed his buttons, one at a time, until he gave in.

"Except go home, and rest so that when you come and see him in the morning you won't look like the living dead and make him feel guilty. You look horrible already, by morning this reiatsu will be killing you. He'll never forgive himself for keeping you up all night worrying and feeling that reiatsu, and don't you try to bullshit me Shunsui because he _knows _how strong his reiatsu is and he _knows _that he's going straight through the wards" Nanao was angry now, her own reiatsu flaring though she kept it neatly in hand.

Shunsui couldn't seem to stop _staring _at her. She couldn't blame him, really. She tucked a strand of hair behind one ear, sighing angrily and propped a hand on one hip.

"Now. Let's go" He just stood there, looking for all the world like a lost puppy. Before she had time to think about what she was doing she grabbed his hand, noting that his palms were damp from _still _not closing of the reiatsu from Ukitake and pulled him after her, stumbling all the way out the door and didn't stop until they were a block down the street. He tugged gently, trying to pull his hand away so he could stand straight, and pull even with her, but Nanao squeezed tighter and sped up, towing her captain after. Shunsui chuckled softly, then began to laugh, quietly, then almost hysterically. On any other day, at any other time, under any other time Nanao would have stopped short and hit him for all she was worth. As it was, almost running down the empty streets by lamplight as Ukitake-taichou fought for his life, coughing blood for all he was worth, Nanao said nothing, just squeezed her captain's hand reassuringly and he squeezed hers back fingers twining together against the fear, and he kept laughing like a maniac. Nanao just hoped no one was watching, because they would _not _like her methods of keeping people quiet.

Nanao used kido to seal Shunsui in the moment he shut the door behind himself, wiped her hands and walked away, satisfied with a good day's work. Despite his best efforts, the moment he hit the bed, Shunsui was asleep, and it was Nanao-chan who slept poorly. The next morning, they both woke up with the most awful crick in the neck and a throbbing headache. To say the least, the eighth division was off to a very late start that morning.

***

Whew! That, my friends, was a piece of work. Honestly, I never expected Nanao-chan to really play a part in this, but thanks to Snowkid, here she is in all of her Nanao-tacular glory. She will be making more cameo appearances throughout this fic, so be on the lookout whenever Shunsui needs of good telling off. You can also expect to be hearing from some of our other friends, including Hitsugaya, Matsumoto, Byakuya, Renji, Yoruichi (maybe), Kisuke (maybe), Hinamori, and the assorted sundries. While this is, and will remain, Ukitake/Shunsui-centric, other pairings may show up on the side. I might expand them in other fics later if you all like this. If I'm bored, I'm might do it even if no one likes it. And as for what's up between Nanao and Shunsui. . .read and find out ^_^! Hope you liked it , as always, read and review away.

The Hatter Maddox.


	3. What Has Passed

Hey. More from while Ukitake is sick. Please note: I do not know how tuberculosis actually works. I know what they tell you about Ukitake in the story and what I could understand of the very complicated Wikipedia explanation. This will not be medically correct, and I don't care. If I do something stupid, and you know better, please tell me. Otherwise, bug off. In other news, I get to skip school Monday because we'll still be on vacation, so yay me!! For those of you who don't know, that means more writing and more updates faster. So rejoice and review if you like what you read. Or if you don't. Either way, just tell me things and I'll be happy.

The Hatter

Nanao

Ise Nanao, being basically responsible for getting all of eighth division's work done, always got an early start because she had learned that if you started badgering Shunsui at six you could usually get shim to do something by eight.

After locking Shunsui in his house, Nanao walked home. While she could have flash stepped, she was already stiff from sitting in a waiting room chair for hours and she wanted to be able to move in the morning. So Nanao walked. By the time she finally got into her favorite silk nightgown, it was past two thirty, Nanao was exhausted and she couldn't sleep. She released her reiatsu, feeling for familiar spiritual energy. There was Shunsui, his banked spiritual energy telling her that he at least was getting some much needed sleep, there was Unohana's reiatsu, flaring as bright and strong as she had ever felt it, and beside it Ukitake's spiking reiatsu, sickening, even from this distance.

Nanao pulled back, forcefully swallowing the acid rising to burn her throat and leaning on the head board to let her head stop spinning. Her heart pinched for the kindly captain who was always willing to help anyone, even threatening Shunsui into doing his work for her. He always had a smile for her, and a kind word or two for taking such excellent care of Shunsui. Imagining him in enough pain to cause that reiatsu, Nanao hated to think of it. Right beside that worry was another, one for Shunsui, her Taichou. Even halfway across the city the brush of Ukitake-taichou's reiatsu had made her sick. Her taichou had stayed, maybe rooms away from it focusing on it for nearly half a day. She had never seen him look so ill, no matter how wounded he was, or even the one time he caught the flu and she was forced to take care of him. At one point he had excused himself to the restroom, and she knew he was sending his prayers to the porcelain gods. He was gone far longer that she liked and returned looking the worse for wear if anything, his skin so pale and tightly draw over his face he was nearly skeletal.

She wondered sometimes, who had it worse; the man with the pain, or the one who loved him and couldn't save him from it. Nanao didn't fall asleep until nearly four in the morning, one solitary tear on her cheek, and no one the wiser as to who she shed it for.

Not up until eight, a long hot shower made sure that Nanao didn't make it to her captain's house until a quarter to nine. She undid the kido ward on the door and let herself in. The house was dark and quiet, but for once she couldn't begrudge Shunsui the extra sleep- she doubted that even three or so hours more than she had slept were enough to undo the damage of that punishing reiatsu.

When she found him, he was collapsed on his bed, his captain's robe lying beside him so he was dressed in only his ornamental, flowery robe. He looked peaceful, curled on his side with one hand dangling over the side of the bed. She stood there, looking down at him for a moment, then reached out and put her hand on his shoulder, unable to help but notice how tiny her hand looked in comparison. For a moment he was still, then she squeezed gently and he stirred, cracking one eye at her.

Suddenly he rolled out of bed, breaking for one of the paper doors which he slammed open. Nanao caught on instantly, having caught a glimpse of his suddenly pale face. She followed at a sprint and caught him just as he bent over the toilet and went to him. She put one hand on either side of his head, holding him with her body as he emptied his stomach again and again, his body wracked with convulsions so strong they shook her, but she didn't let go.

"Sorry" he croaked, his voice a rough whisper. Nanao held still for a second, pretending not to see the ripples in the water from his falling tears.

"I-ti's fine" she whispered, looseing her hold on his head and feeling him shake against her, his knuckles white from gripping the toilet seat. She stood and flushed the toilet as he slowly rose and spit bile into the swirling waters. His hands were still shaking when he ran the water in one marble sink, splashing it on his face and swishing it in his mouth. Nanao waited. When he was done his hands had almost stopped shaking, and he looked more tired than anything, as if he might pass out any minute. He stretched , pulling his arms over his head, then touching his toes with a suppressed groan and leaning side to side.

In one swift movement, he stepped forward and reached out, pulling her into a tight embrace, pressed tight against his chest which smelled faintly of cherry blossoms. Nanao froze, unsure of how to react, then relaxed, allowing the contact for just this once.

"Thank you" he whispered in her ear, his voice rumbling in his chest. He was warm, his arms strong around her and she couldn't detect any form of romantic advances in him. Just warm, soft thanks, for being there or maybe even just for caring. She could hear his heartbeat loud in her ears as he squeezed her quickly, then released her. The minute he pulled back he missed the warmth of her soft body against his, of the companionship there, but the touch had done it's job. He had said his thank you, and he felt ready to face the world. Nanao just thought to herself that even lazy, irritating bums can be great guys. Maybe she did know what Ukitake-taichou saw in him after all, and decided that he was welcome to it.

"Why don't you make some tea while I get dressed Nanao-chan? Everything's out already from yesterday morning, so you shouldn't have a problem finding anything. If there aren't any clean cups, blame the house-keeper- she came yesterday, but the woman never seems to get around to the dishes"

On any other day Nanao would have laughed. Instead she curled her lips in a smile and agreed wearily to make the tea, which she should have thought of herself, and left her captain to get ready.

As Kyoraku had promised, the tea things were already out. He had not told her, however that they took up the entire kitchen. Nanao selected one of the perhaps twenty or thirty tea pots and kettles that littered the counters, selecting a plain white ceramic kettle that was large, hopefully enough to make tea for two and filling it with water.

Where the tea itself was concerned, Nanao was at a bit of a loss. Whatever space in the large marble, wood and stainless-steel kitchen was stacked with tins, jars and boxes of tea in bags, powders and loose leaves. Nanao very seriously thought that the kitchen, beautiful and upscale had never been used for anything but the brewing of tea. She browsed for a while, pawing through what must have been a fortune in tea and at last selected a jar of tea bags that smelled of spice and citrus, and set it on to boil. Her work done, Nanao discovered that, as expected, none of the many, many cups were clean. Either they were stacked in the huge sink, or half full of old tea. A search through the cabinets (those not blocked by stacks of tea) produced one tall coffee cup and a Shunsui-sized espresso cup which was half the size of the mug where it ought to have been only a fourth the size. Nanao decided to make sure she got the mug, cleared of a bar stool and sat down to wait as Shunsui finished shaving.

Kyoraku came down, looking more like himself than he had since the meeting, and Nanao poured the tea. She finished one glass while the captain downed three, and they both refilled their cups and left for Ukitake-taichou's house. Kyoraku said they had moved him there during the night, and Nanao didn't argue.

Nanao had only been to the thirteenth captain's home once, so it came as a surprise that the gate to the estate was unlocked. It was maybe a ten minute walk through a neatly manicured lawn on a stone path to the main house, the only building on the grounds Nanao had seen though the captain assured her there were more. When they knocked a man named Hanatarou who let them wait in a simple, living space decorated in pale wood, light blues and greens and a lot of white while he told the Captain and Lieutenant they were here. It was serene and fitting for such a calm man, but somehow it seemed empty to Nanao, as if it wasn't truly lived in. She sat down on a large white sofa while her captain leaned back against the wall.

After a few moments, Hanatarou returned, following closely on the heels of Isane, who didn't seem to have noticed the dried blood splattered on her cheek. Nanao didn't react, just smiling at her, but she saw the captain's fingers tighten on his arm. Truth be told, she didn't like the looks of it, or the shadows under Isane's eyes, but she kept her peace.

"Kyoraku-taichou" she nodded respectfully at the captain then turned to Nanao with a tires smile. "Nanao-chan. Come on in." She turned, beckoning for them to follow as she headed off down the hallway. Kyoraku moved so fast that Nanao had to run a few steps to catch up, lengthening her strides to keep pace with him and Isane who were both much taller than her.

They stopped at the end of the hall, in front of a paper door where Isane gestured for them to wait. She opened the door and stepped inside. Nanao and Shunsui could hear her voice and Unohana's, then she returned and let them in.

It was a large bedroom, kept in half-light by several flameless lanterns. Decorated in traditional Japanese style, everything was white or wood, the only ornamentation one black and white wall scroll that showed a line of kanji script so old Nanao could barely decipher any of it. What she could read, was nonsensical, so she assumed she was mis reading it and turned her attention to the room's occupants.

Sitting beside the bed was Unohana-taichou as immaculate and serene as ever, smiling her ever-present smile at them in welcome. Nodding a silent greeting Nanao was forced to look at the bed and its sole occupant.

There in the center of the bed was Ukitake who looked washed out surrounded by the sea of white blankets and his own hair which was fanned across his pillows. His cheeks looked hollow and his already pale skin was at least two shades whiter with an ashen color to it, making the dark circles around his eyes and the shadows that fell across him seem darker in comparison. He was still, though his labored breathing made his chest heave each time he drew in air, and almost peaceful looking. Nanao felt her breath catch listening to the air struggle past his lips. Nanao was used to thinking of the thirteenth division's captain as a powerful man with a quietly commanding presence that made everyone in the room turn to him, drew irresistibly them to him like moths to a flame. Now he looked weak, his one visible hand delicate, as if he would break with a touch. Nanao was drawn to him with a fascinated horror so intense that she didn't realize what she was doing until Unohana turned from wiping the captain's brow to tell her that she and Kyoraku could sit with him if they wanted, though they should try not to disturb him. Nanao nodded mutely, sitting gingerly on the bed as her captain did the same on the opposite side.

She couldn't see his face in the shadow of his hat, but he moved his hand to rest right beside Ukitake's pale on and she felt her heart squeeze, and rose. Unohana and Isane were conversing quietly in the door frame, and she went to join them, happy to leave behind what was obviously a private moment. Unohana smiled at her, waving for her to join them in the hallway, and lead the way to the kitchen, a small but orderly place where she offered Nanao a seat at the table.

"Is it all right to leave him alone?" Isane asked, brows wrinkled worriedly.

"It's only for a few minutes, so it'll be fine, but I'm afraid we can't give him more than that."

"No. A few minutes are more than enough. More than that and he'll work it out in his mind that everything's his fault after all." Nanao told them tiredly.

"How has he been?" Isane and Unohana exchanged looks.

"Not good" Isane started hesitantly.

"Tuberculosis is not an easy disease to live with." Unohana took over here, her calmness, even in such a serious moment easing Nanao's fears, even though unease still churned her gut. "Though the captain's strength may make it seem as though it is. At the best of times, he may have a short reprieve and even that can be cut short by too much activity or impure air. For the past two hundred years, he had been doing so well that we hoped to ourselves that he might be in remission. We were wrong." Unohana's face was marked with deep regret and sorrow.

Isane took over again. "We think he was building up for an attack, anyways. Running to the meeting was just the trigger. The initial attack lasted all through yesterday until he collapsed around four in the morning. We moved him then. He had another coughing fit earlier and he's been asleep since them. If he gets better from here he might be back to normal by the end of the week." Isane looked doubtful.

"Don't give her false hopes" Unohana scolded softly, making Isane flush.

"But you said he might-" she exclaimed, only to be interrupted again.

"It's a possibility." She conceded. "But it's much more likely to get worse before it gets better. He could be looking at another two weeks in bed, and that's if Isane and I can stay with him constantly. If we are forced to leave him to someone else care, it could be a month." Unohana;s mouth was a grim line, Nanao felt her stomach drop.

"I- I understand."

"We need to do another kido treatment soon. You'd better go get Kyoraku and head out. Hopefully the next time you come he'll be awake- it really lifts his spirits." Unohana rose gracefully from her seat and let Nanao lead the way back to the room.

She took a deep breath and went in. Her captain was sitting, brooding on how he was to blame most likely, his fingertips resting lightly on the back of a sleeping Ukitake-taichou's hand.

"Time to go taichou." She announced briskly, startling him out of his thoughts. "It's already nine thirty and we haven't gotten any work done. Every one's probably waiting for us." Shunsui looked beseechingly at her, then rose with a sigh, patting Ukitake;s hand one last time.

"I'll come visit again soon" He promised quietly and turned to follow Nanao out.

Just as he looked about to question Unohana, Isane stepped up. "If you'll excuse us" she bowed and shut the door politely in their faces, leaving Nanao to drag him out the door.

"It's time for the next round of kido. Let's go." He nodded his asent, and was silent all the way to their headquarters where he proceeded to put Nanao through hell trying to get anything done. With the late start and Shunsui's protests, Nanao was relieved that they finished more than half the day's paperwork. When she finally let him go for the day, she told him to send Unohana-taichou, Isane-chan and Ukitake-taichou her best wishes. He tipped his hat from where he was sitting in the windowsill and was gone.

After that day they fell into a pattern: Nanao got Shunsui each morning and they had tea at his house. Then, they went to Ukitake's house where Shunsui was enlisted to try to get some water or soup into Ukitake while Nanao got a report from either Isane or Unohana which she used to bribe her captain through the day's work, then went to get Kyoraku and sometimes stayed to sit with Ukitake for a while. Half the days Hanatarou came to the door to tell them that they couldn't visit the captain today because he was in an emergency kido session or having an attack. Those days it was even harder to get anything done. On the surface Nanao was doing more shouting and threatening than ever, but it was a comfortable pattern, followed by Shunsui's nightly visit. Nanao usually let him go alone, but found herself tagging along twice in that first week, just because she wanted to see Ukitake and the tiny smile that tugged at his pale, thin lips when they entered the room. He was often to weak to speak or unconscious, but the few times he had been awake the pleasure and relief in his dark eyes at seeing them was priceless.

By the end of the week Nanao had trouble getting Kyoraku to focus on work for more than a few minutes' time and accomplishing anything at all was an ongoing struggle. There were hard lines in his face that hadn't been there before, and already elusive, Shunsui had become nearly impossible to pin down. Ise Nanao was not a woman who was easily moved to worry. Ise Nanao was known to be able to manage her captain better than anyone but Ukitake, and almost as well as him at that, and it wasn't because he feared her. It was because she knew him, better than she knew almost anyone else. Ise Nanao knew that her captain was one of the most unflappably unbotherable men in all of existence. Ise Nanao, was now very worried.

Saturday, her day off, found Nanao sleeping in. She spent the morning reading, ate lunch, pulled on one of her casual yukatas, blue with white patterns and left the house. Before she knew where she was going, she had reached the gate of Ukitake-taichou's estate. Hanatarou let her in, not shy after so many visits, and brought her back to the bedroom.

"Isane-fukutaichou's inside, but Unohana-taichou left. He's resting now, so it should be fine if you visit. Let me check."

"Thanks, Hana-kun" He nodded, smiling a little at the nickname he had given them permission to use after the third day, then went inside. After a moment he returned to admit her, and she had to stifle a tiny gasp- Isane was covered in blood, as were the blankets she was carrying to a basket in the corner.

Noticing Nanao's stares, Isane glanced down. "Sorry about this. I just finished cleaning him down, so I didn't have a chance to clean up yet."

"T-that's fine" Nanao averted her eyes to Ukitake who, just as Isane had said, was clean and looking particularly unwell. Even so the image of Isane, crimson smeared down the front of her shinigami uniform, covering her face and streaked in her hair was haunting. Perhaps the most haunting image of all was that made by Isane's hands- on first sight they appeared to be entirely red, untouched by any other color. Knowing that it was all Ukitake-taichou's blood made the image that more disturbing.

Nanao was glad she hadn't be put into the fourth division even as her heart went out to them, and even more to poor Ukitake-taichou. No man deserved that kind of pain, and Ukitake-taichou was among the best of men.

"Will you watch him while I go clean off? I'll only be a minute" Isane asked anxiously, eyes flickering between Nanao and Ukitake who was amazingly peaceful for a man who had just coughed up life-threatening amounts of blood.

"Sure. Take your time" Nanao reassured her, smiling shakily at the blood-soaked healer.

"Thanks Nanao-chan!" she bowed quickly and turned to go "Be right back"

Nanao sat down next to Ukitake's shoulder, careful not to jostle him.

"You know he's worried sick about you, right?" she whispered, searching his pale, drawn features tiredly. "You know there's nothing more important to him, right?"

Ukitake didn't move or reply, but Nanao felt as if her could understand her somehow, so she kept talking. Maybe she was speaking to him or maybe she was just getting her worries of her chest. She didn't care which.

"It's been hell trying to get him to do anything these last few days. You would have been horrified, with both of us I think" she confided. "I try not to be too hard on him, since he's so worried about you and all, but that man is impossible Taichou. He lazy, and stubborn and as slippery as an eel when he doesn't want to work or if he doesn't want you to see what's really going on. You won't believe some of the bullshit he's tried to pull. . ."

Nanao went on to describe the many battles between her and her captain. There was the time he wouldn't get up off the couch so she sat on him, even all through lunch, and the time they'd had an ice cream fight when Kyoraku bought enough for the whole squad and started handing it out cheerfully while Nanao's stack of late papers grew. After that he had insulted her, and she had responded with a well placed punch to the face, making his nose spurt blood on both of them. That was the only incident that could convince her to grudgingly apologize: she had told him that although he earned it, she _was _sorry. He forgave her readily with a pat on the shoulder and a smile that she saw right through.

"If you don't get better this week, I don't know what we'll do." She admitted, more worried for having voice her half-formed suspicions "I don't know if he'll even come to work, and he's too much stronger for me to force him." Nanao hesitated, the reached out and held Ukitake's hand, feeling his bones beneath his skin, soft but dry. She felt a faint echo of his heart beat, weakly pulsing in her hand and was somehow reassured by the slow steadiness.

"He needs you" she whispered, faintly surprised at the tears that pricked the corners of her eyes. "So please get better for him. I don't think he knows how much he needs you, but Shunsui-taichou never could bullshit me. So please get better for him."

Nanao tightened her grip on his hand a little and she felt his fingers shift in her grip, a tiny unconscious recognition of a plea for help, a prayer even. Nanao stayed for a while, holding his hand and thinking. Isane finished changing and washing, but didn't disturb them. Humming quietly to herself, she went and put on tea.

When she returned, Nanao was in the living room waiting to say good-bye.

On the walk home, she stared up at the blue, cloudless sky and Nanao Ise prayed. She didn't know what kind of God she could pray to that would listen to a shinigami like her. Mostly, she didn't pray because controlling death doesn't make you a great believer. None of this stopped her now.

_Please, if you're listening, whoever you are. It's not for me, so if you could help Ukitake-taichou get better, for him. He really needs him, so please. If you're really a god, if you're truly a good god, then help him. For Taichou. _

She didn't realize that she was holding up her hands, in an ironically prayer-like gesture. She walked on, and Let Them Fall.

* * *

I'm so happy I got to use the title! You can expect me to that again too- I carefully formulated it (in a test tube with lots of dangerous chemicals) with a specific message in mind. Please trust that I won't leave it for you to guess. So, how're you all liking Nanao-chan and Shunsui's take on things? It was fun writing, that's for sure. I just love putting the characters through hard times. It brings out all these fun little strengths and weaknesses and relationships and crap. I love it. So I hope you liked it. Review away, my readers!

The Hatter Maddox


	4. What Is Coming to Pass

So, as promised, I am now going to hand out my e-cookie awards to those loving readers who responded to previous chapters, inspiring me to write more. Here they are.

Half-Cookies, Awarded for favoriting/alerts:

ravens rising

Snowkid

RaitonWolf

TheShatteredRose

***

Let's have a round of applause! (all stare blankly at the very Mad Hatter). Aaaanyways. So now, here are the full cookies for the amazing, awesome, ridiculously awesome people who reviewed this story. You guys, I love you!:

Snowkid (FOUR times, making them the king/queen of reviews. For reviewing more than anyone else you get a bonus cookie, bringing the grand total to five cookies):

_Please watch in the upcoming chapters for that surprise pairing._

ravens rising (TWICE!!- for two cookies)

_Your fic Fear was great inspiration for writing this, as is your encouragement. _

TheShatteredRose

_You concerns have been duly noted (XD, I love saying that!), so no worries._

Author's playlist: Imogen Heap, Kate Havenevick, Owl City, and Sia

_***_

Now that that's done, I'd just like to say that all your enthusiastic pleas to see Shunsui and Ukitake have not fell on deaf ears because her they are in all their glory!! Nanao was fun to write, but I have to say that I'm glad to have gotten back to these to as well!. Also, if anyone knows how to post pictures please tell me because I found a gorgeous pics I'd love to share. That aside, please enjoy and keep reviewing and whatnot (another fun word)!!

The Hatter Maddox

Ukitake

_***Instant re-cap: we left off with Ukitake disrobing, but not yet in the bath. His final statement was: "Shun would never, ever be mine". Now, returning to the plot***_

I shrugged off my yukata, letting the white cotton fall to the floor. In the last two weeks, I had worn nothing else, just a single layer of thin white cotton- cheap to replace when I covered each new one in blood. In the past two weeks I had lost so much weight that it hung loosely on me where I was once able to fill it out- at least without it the comparison wasn't possible.

Shunsui's arms around me, one hand bracing my shoulder, the other resting lightly on my hip felt even better on my bare skin, his warmth penetrating me to the core. He was standing close to me, closer than he needed to, in any case. My body was cool, and even with the steam blossoming into clouds that brushed my skin, I could feel the warmth of his body, and I shivered, wanting more of that warmth.

Shunsui, mistaking it for a shiver of cold, carefully pulled me closer, just resting against him. Then in one of those startlingly quick movements, he was swinging me back into his arms. I squeaked, the tiny noise cut off as the heat from his body enveloped me. I sighed in pleasure, pulling myself closer as he laughed, dry amusement on his face. I glared up at him, using it as an excuse to take a closer look at his face.

He hadn't shaved in too long, and when he had it hadn't been done well, because the stubble on his cheeks was uneven. His face was hollowed, something that was disguised well by his angular features and cheeky smile, but all too obvious to me. There were dark circles under his eyes that looked as if they were only just fading after a long time. There were shadows in his eyes and on his heart that I hadn't seen in a long time.

They told me, Isane, Unohana and Kuchiki-kun even, that he was worrying himself half to death. When he came, on the rare occaision that I was conscious I was too tired to try to, or even want to see past his smile. Sometimes I was so tired, I could barely make out more than the smile, if I opened my eyes at all, and it had been easy to not hear the edges in his voice. It had been denial, probably just because at the time I couldn't handle the guilt of knowing that Shunsui was losing sleep and sanity over me because I was too weak to run a few blocks fully rested. I huddled closer as Shunsui adjusted the taps, and let him shift his grip.

He lowered me into the water so smoothly I barely made a ripple and I sighed- the water was hot, almost hot enough to scald, but just shy of actually doing it and as I slipped into it I could feel the heat sinking into my skin.

"Aaaah" I sank back into the water, trying to ignore the pang of loss when Shunsui's hands pulled away. Already I could feel the heat radiating through my muscles, washing away the lingering knots and the feeling of sickness. I didn't know when I let my eyes closed, but I couldn't seem to open them again, and I didn't mind. I could hear Shunsui moving around and forced myself to crack one eye. I looked for him, not bothering to move.

"Here it is!" He exclaimed, holding up his prize triumphantly. I cocked a brow at him, smiling lazily in question.

"Sakura scented bath oil, and the last of my dried sakura petals. I thought you'd like them" He explained, looking even more pleased with himself. I hurt him, I made him worry, I commandeered his bathtub, and now he wanted to give me the last of his obviously treasured bath things.

"Don't try to tell me you don't like them. I can get more tomorrow, so don't feel bad. It'll be fun to collect them from the tree in your garden and dry them out myself. " He added, upending the packet of petals into the tub then splashing in some of the oil.

"Mmmm" I inhaled deeply, letting the light, flowery scent filter through my lungs. It smelled almost like Shunsui. I settled myself, shifting so that only my head was above the water and let my eyes close again.

"Alright Shun. I'm in the bath, smelling all flowery. Now, what did you want to tell me?"

Shun was quiet. I could hear his footsteps, then him settling, sitting on the counter if had to guess. Curious, I slit one eye and glanced about. I smiled- he had indeed chosen to sit atop a marble counter, elbows braced on his knees, chin resting on his hands. I let my eyes closed and waited for him to start.

"I'm just glad you're better" his voice sounded far away, as it was drifting to me from another world, sepperated from me by a sea of steam but even so I could hear the roughness there. Hear the raw _fear_.

"Me too, Shun." I whispered, not wanting to remember. My eyes flickered behind my lids as I tried not to think of the pain. _It's over now. _I told myself. _It's over._

He didn't continue, and I didn't push him. It wasn't the right time, or maybe not the right place, that much I could feel, so with one more contented sigh, I sank deeper into the water and let the heat wash over me, letting the sensation of the swirling water drown out my thoughts. When Shunsui came and turned off the water I was already half-asleep, too far gone to do more than recognize his soft laughter, anchoring me to the real world, but not drawing me all the way back either.

I sat there, soaking in the warmth; loathe to move so much as a finger. With his comforting reiatsu so nearby I could relax more completely than I had in weeks surrounded by the fourth division.

"Do you want to wash off? The water has to be getting cool by now." Shunsui's voice sounded closer again, perhaps because the steam that once surrounded us had disappeared, leaving behind only fogged over mirrors to show it had been here. I opened my eyes and stretched, as well as I could anyway, returning to reality in time to notice that the water had indeed gone cool, holding only a trace of warmth. I was still warm, but if I stayed in long enough for the water to go cold I knew that wouldn't last. Fully awake and more energized than I had been in weeks, if still a feeling lingering traces of my former exhaustion, I pushed myself up in the tub.

"How'd you know?" I turned to smile at Shunsui who was looking hopeful askance at me and looking patently adorable in a scraggly puppy dog sort of way. Something about his lopsided smile, questioningly raised brows and playfully bright chocolate eyes reminded me of a dog expecting praise for a trick well done and warmed my in a fizzy way, in places that the hot water couldn't reach. I could feel that bubbling warmth melt my smile, and it was a near thing stopping myself from laughing.

"What did you expect from a genius?" He gave me a winning smirk, a quirk of his wide smile that suggested that he was inviting the world to laugh at him, as good natured as always.

"Maybe some shampoo and conditioner?" I suggest, playing at haughtiness. "My hair doesn't clean itself you know." I lifted my brows, draping my arm as elegantly as possible on the side of the tub to disguise the fact that I wasn't feeling quite as steady as I liked, and also just because I enjoyed the play.

"But I do know!" Shun exclaimed, looking for all the world as if this was a very serious matter. "Gorgeous hair like this," He plucked a strand of hair off my shoulder and rubbing it between a finger and thumb as he shook his head solemnly "It doesn't maintain itself."

"Don't worry" He reassured me. He might have been telling a fatally wounded man he was going to live. I just smiled as he began to sort through the bottles stacked haphazardly on his shower rack "I've got just the thing"

"A-_ha_!" beaming, he practically bounced over, the selected bottles in his arms. "Vanilla sugar body scub! 'opens pores while soothing and gently exfoliating'. Or so it says- _I _just think it smells nice. And the hair stuff" He deposited the two bottles and the tub on the marble ledge that surrounded the tub, carful to put them in easy reach. He grinned down at me, and at last I couldn't help but laugh and he joined in.

"Thanks" I reached for the scrub first, unscrewing the lid so I could take a sniff. I made a pleased noise- the white stuff smelled clean, bright and just sweet enough. I set it back down and set about scrubbing down my chest. As promised the scrub both soothed my dry skin and 'gently exfoliated', making me feel entirely clean. Shun sat on a counter, whistling tunelessly, as I washed my torso and discovered a dilemma: I couldn't get my back. Some energy had been returned to me by the bath, but my muscles still felt like strands of cooked noodles, and no matter how I contrived to twist myself I could reach no farther than my shoulders.

I threw down my useless arm, splattering water all over the marble floors. I looked down, struggling to hold back the frustrated tears that were prickling at my eyes.

"What's wrong?" A very worried Shunsui was instantly by my side, crouching beside me faster than I could see him move. I shook my head, not trusting my voice, and splattered Shun with drops of water. His frown deepened and he leaned closer, searching for whatever had upset me.

"I can't do it!" I cried, angrily swiping away a tear that had fallen despite my best efforts. "I can't wash my own back! It's pathetic!" I could feel my eyes brimming again, but I let the tears come, not able to care that I was being childish. Pathetic, that's what this all was. Just pathetic. At some point my hands had become trembling fists, and I blinked letting my vision blur. I saw motion, then Shun was brushing away my tears, looking unfazed if sympathetic. That made me feel even more like a three-year-old throwing a fit, but even so I let him, sniffling once.

"Don't be stupid Juu-kun" He told me, reverting to my nick name from the Academy which got a half-smile from me. "You're barely out of bed after something that would have killed a weaker man" I could feel his fingers twitch when he said the word "killed", but his face was serious, more serious than I can ever remember seeing him. It made me want to believe him, even though it wasn't a good enough reason.

"It's a miracle you can sit on your own. _You _are a miracle" I didn't feel like a miracle. I felt weak, and stupid and out of control which was maybe the worst thing of all. I met Shun's eyes desperately, searching for an answer there. What I found was more shocking than whatever I had thought to find. Shun believed what he was saying. The devout faith in his eyes was staggering, because it was all behind that one statement: _you are a miracle_. To him, to the one person I loved the most, I _was _a miracle. My breath caught in my throat and threw myself forward at Shunsui. If he was surprised or unhappy at being hugged by a naked, dripping wet man he hid it well, wrapping his arms tightl around my shoulders as I knotted mine around his neck so I could sob into his shoulder.

I let go, crying on Shun's solidly warm shoulder until I collapsed there shaking and struggling to catch my newly found breath. I succeeded, only coughing once and not bloodily at all and lay there, letting my head rest of Shunsui's unmoving shoulder where I could hear the pound of his even heart beat. He sighed deeply, and his breath washing over my ear and shoulder, making me shiver as my wet hair stirred.

"Sorry Kyo-kun" I whispered, using the same nickname I had always used when he called mine in the Academy.

Shunsui shook his head. "Don't worry about it Juu" he dropped the kun, something he didn't do often. His voice, right near my ear, was soft. Listening to him, I felt my breathing slow and my hearts wild racing even out. "Here. I'll wash you back, alright?" I could hear the smile in his voice, and nodded, letting him set me carefully back down in the water.

"Lean forward Juu" I complied, keeping my arm braced on the side of the tub and then Shun reached forward to part my hair, letting it rest on my shoulders.

"Aaaaaaah" I sighed, letting my world dissolve in the sensation of Shun massaging the body scrub into my shoulders. At the first touch, I could feel myself turning into butter.

"Mmmm" I hummed my soft appreciation and stayed as still as I could, ingraining the moment into my mind.

Shunsui's hands were just like him; gentle but strong. Unhurried, Shun began to work across my shoulders, working patiently through even the tiniest knotted muscle, then slowly moving down my back. His touch was hot on my almost-warm skin, sending tingling shivers dancing through me to pool in my stomach like a storm of electric butterflies. In that moment there was no world; no bath, no house, no place, no thing and no person outside Shunsui's hands on me, making the edges of my world spill over with bliss.

Shunsui

Although I wasn't expecting it, Ukitake's outburst didn't surprise me. He knew that he had one of the strongest reiatsus in soul society, knew that he was among the most independent, wise and self-assured men in the whole of the world, and yet he saw himself as weak. He was self-aware, he was modest, and he paradoxically was a little self-hating at times, if not in the typical sense.

I still hadn't told him although I meant to, and any thought of it left my mind when he threw his arms around me. Then all that mattered was holding him tight and letting him cry. After every relapse he had some sort of down time, and I was always there to pull him out of it. Usually he just let himself be cynical, something he normally tried to keep from doing out loud. Today the stress all built up, and he ended up in my arms, sobbing the big shuddering sobs he so rarely let himself have for fear of coughing.

Just in case I was ready with my limited arsenal of healing kido, mastered over a lifetime of safeguarding Juushiro. I was no Unohana or Isane and I probably couldn't out-do their third seat, Yasochika, but I had an impressive specialization in anything that had ever come in handy with Juu and the power to back it up. Each time a kido spell was used on him I spent the following days mastering it, usually with someone from 4th division conveniently loitering about so they could report to Unohana that my "dangerous knowledge" hadn't killed anyone yet.

Luckily, it never came to that, because with one weak cough, he settled to shaking as he clung to me. I pulled him a little closer, savoring the feel of his face on my neck. _So close_. When he was weak like this, it was so easy; too easy to bring him close. I was a little scared of the fact that I couldn't resist doing it at every possible opportunity, but that didn't make me any more able to stop myself.

"Sorry Kyo-kun" he whispered, keeping his arms tight around my neck. I felt a tiny chill creep down my spine at the use of my old Academy nickname.

"Don't worry about it Juu" I told him, taking a breath so I wouldn't shiver at the feeling of his cheek nuzzling my shoulder, his skin soft and damp on mine with both tears and water. I could smell the sakura scent on him, and the sweet vanilla, blending with his deep, clean smell with its trace of musk. I knew now what I was getting him for his birthday. Or maybe as a congratulations on getting better gift, or even just a get well present. Whatever option would make him smell like that again the soonest.

"Here. I'll wash your back, alright?" I offred my reassurance and my help, my support any time he needed it. I don't know if he heard all that, but I could hope- Juu had always been observant after all. He nodded, making his nose brush the sensitive hollow of my neck so I gently took hold of him and set him down, instantly missing his soggy presence. Water-logged, blood-soaked or covered in thorns, there was no time or condition that made me more reluctant to hold Juu.

"Lean forward Juu" I instructed, reaching for the scrub, considering just giving him the rest point-blank. I used it now and again, but my skin wasn't as delicate as Juu's so I usually used a rougher one with orange peel and a muskier scent that Nanao had helped me find. Apparently, women expect men to be able to supply themselves with whatever hygiene products they need without even knowing what it was they needed. It was instructional trip to say the least, and I'd never go back to washing with bars of hand soap and alternately plain body wash for both body and hair. I still had the tiny kit of facial creams Nanao had insisted I needed and I still didn't see the point in them, but I'd learned to appreciate the wonders of shampoo and conditioner, a good body scrub, some bath oil and a little lotion. In any case I'd amassed a huge collection of products and I wouldn't miss this one.

Juu had leaned forward and I reached out to push his hair over his shoulders and out of the way, fully exposing his pale lean back to me. His body was unmarred, an expanse of pure white skin, lean muscle (not as much as there once was, but still some), and a powerful build. His shoulder blades were visible as smooth contours offset by the caps of weakened muscle on the joinging of his arms and torso. I could see the ridge of his spine and the shadows of his ribs. He was beautiful, broad shoulders, powerful even as thin and delicate as they had no become narrowed to a strong back a narrow waist and hips that jutted out in my haunting memory of his body when the yukata fell. Astoundingly beautiful, and yet terrifyingly weak. That unnatural balance between delicate, almost breakable weakness and undeniable power, strength that was built into the set of his body and his very bone structure was the most eerily attractive thing I'd seen in centuries. Nothing could win out against Juushiro at his fittest and most muscular, but this made an almost even tie.

I shoved aside my thoughts and went to work. I started at the base of his gently curving neck, just below the last wisps of dampened white hair. Where I had learned massage, I don't remember, but over the years I had slowly mastered it working the kinks out of a stressed Ukitake's shoulders or working out a knotted muscle for some comrade or underling. I didn't usually think much of the patter of smooth presses and gliding kneading, but now, pressing every kink out of Juu-kun's muscles, I felt a connection, something deeper than any physical bond.

He sighed contentedly and pins and needles prickled my arms. It was almost as if I could feel his enjoyment, his raw pleasure at the touch. It was thrilling, feeling his silky skin, soft with the traces of my bath oil, beneath my hands and seeing the sharp contrast of my dark skin on his pale back, and feeling the contentment radiating off him. He made little sounds of pleasure every so often, small sighs and soft sounds of approval when I did something just right. I took note of every movement that produced a reaction, repeating them and falling into a rhythm at which Juu hummed, a soft tuneless sound that sent want crashing over me. I'd thought that I couldn't want him any more without exploding or falling to pieces or just dying. I had obviously though wrong because by some feat of god I was still in one piece.

I was so absorbed in working even the tiniest stiffness out of him that it came as a cold shock to me when I reached the end of his spine. It was like being stabbed realizing that the moment was reaching an end. Juushiro too felt it, for his humming shifted, a note of disappointment mingling with the soft tunelessness. Just to draw things out, just because I could get away with it, and above all because I couldn't help it I massaged all the way back up to his shoulders which massaged for just a moment before pulling away with a cold jolt. It felt like I had lost a limb, a part of my self and I could feel the ghost of the connection hovering and screaming in my senses, the pain of the sepperation layering with the residual memory of feeling what Ukitake was feeling, of being joined where my fingers touched his back. He shivered slightly and I guessed that like me, he didn't feel the physical cold, but the coldness of not being together.

I hadn't lost any feeling, but the sensation was that of numbness, like I had lost a sense. _His _sense. I snagged a wash cloth off a counter, simultaneously pulling the plug and running some more hot water. I passed the cloth under the water and washed the scrub off his back, the feel of him through the cloth only making the lack of true touch more intensely sharp and aching. He seemed to like it though, so I swirled and swished across his back, rinsing away the last traces of soap and pulled back.

"Done" I said thoroughly satisfied with my work. There was still a knot of sharp aching in my gut, but I _was _satisfied- his skin had been ashen, almost gray because of its paleness. Now it was bright and pure, glowing almost.

He turned his head half-way, probably all he could manage, and smiled at me, a melting smile of dark eyes and soft lips behind a half-drawn curtain of white silk. "Thanks Kyo"

"Think nothing of it" I grinned an unshaking grin I was proud to say that I could keep in place even with my heart thudding like it was now.

"I'll do your hair too if you want, massage your scalp a little." I offered, not giving him the chance to discover he couldn't do it himself. "You know how much I love your hair" I added, ignoring the wobble in his smile. He reached up, trying to run a hand through the white tangles, but only succeeded in getting his fingers stuck in a knot atop his head before he had to drop his hand to his lap, looking at it like a broken thing that he wanted to throw away. His smile wavered, warring with something else for dominance of his face. He ended up with a darkly cynical twist of his lips when he turned to look at me.

"Why not? It's not as if I can do it myself" He turned, eyes tracing inexistent patterns on the wall that the tub backed onto. I sighed. Juushiro never cut himself any slack. No, he saved all the slack for me and my lazy ass pacifism.

"Tch. Stop it, will you? You know I don't hold with self-depreciation." I reproached him. "It brings back old memories." I added, trying to block out said memories. In part I just hated seeing Juu down on himself, hated seeing that look of sadistic self-worthlessness on his face, but there was also another deeper level too it, one I hadn't reminded him of in a long time. That look, and the attitude that went with it were an uncomfortable reminder of my not-so-recent, not-so-pleasant past. He resembled nothing then, so much as me when I was depressed. I was on the verge of suicidal then, and meeting Juushiro who had no qualms about telling me that he wouldn't let me destroy myself because _he _liked me, whether or not I liked myself, was probably the only thing that stopped me from getting in trouble with Yama-jii about it. I didn't like to remember that time and Juushiro didn't want to remind me of anything I didn't want to remember, so it was a good way to end his cynicism.

He blinked, surprised, and nodded. "Of course. Sorry Kyo" He smiled ruefully.

"And no more sorries" I added strictly.

"No. no more sorries" he agreed, the smile lingering.

"Hold on a sec" I dug in a cabinet again, searching for a pitcher to pour water over Ukitake with- mock revenge for soaking me from the waist up. I took of my ornamental robe, laying it on a safe counter along with my captain's robe, leaving me in my mostly dry uniform.

"Close your eyes" I warned filling the pitcher from the running water. Ukitake closed his eyes and I upended it over his head, watching the sheet of water flatten his scraggly hair into smooth sheets of white. While the water was still dripping from his nose I eked out the last of the shampoo, appreciatively sniffing the faint herbal smell of it and began to work it through his hair, starting at the bottom and moving ever closer to his scalp. After dealing with my hair, the tangles in his were simple to unknot- my hair was much thicker and if I let it get knotted I sometimes ended up spending hours (it _felt _like hours, anyways) getting them out and got only a sore scalp for my troubles. Juushiro's hair on the other hand was lighter and smoother, gliding through my fingers like silk once I carefully worked free the knots. Once his hair was fully lathered and covered with suds to the tips I let my fingers wander his scalp, using circles of light pressure that increased as I moved from his temples to the base of his skull.

Juushiro began to hum again, his head falling back into my hands so I could see his face, still dripping water, the dips above his collar bone and his neck. After a moment of watching, mesmerized as his chest rose and fell with his breathing I decided it was safest to focus on his head. Even so, the glimpses of pale skin on the corners of my sight were tantalizing enough to waken the shivering coal bed nestled between my hips. Running one hand through his hair, I used the other to refill the pitcher.

"Keep 'em closed" I warned, waiting for his slight nod to pour it over his head and comb the last of the suds out of his hair. I ruffled his hair fondly as he tried to blow an errant strand out of his face, looking every bit the impatient child.

I used lots of conditioner, deep moisturizing stuff that left my hair almost oily. Nanao explained later that that was because I have coarse hair that tends toward oiliness, after which I purchased her prescribed conditioner, a lighter liquid than the thick cream I was combing into Juu-kun's hair and supposedly deep cleaning. Juushiro, unlike me, was blessed with a fall of delicate silky hair, and after his two weeks of illness if was dry and brittle. If anything could fix that it was the super-moisturizing goop. His hair could probably use whatever it was that made my untameable curls greasy. I spent more time working this through his hair, letting myself "accidentally" brush his neck as I worked at the back of his head.

Juushiro was still, his face totally peaceful, arms trailing in the receding water, and it was quiet, the only sound the gurgle of the water.

"Juu, what I wanted to tell you?" I started, feeling my nerves come back en force, twisting my stomach and souring my mouth.

"Yeah?" Juu laid his head back against the side of the tub as I began to comb through his hair from the temples again.

"I don't love Nanao"

***

And. . .CLIFFIE!!!!! This did not turn out as originaly planned, because somewhere midway through Shunsui and Ukitake suddenly had minds of their own and rebelled. Ukitake wasn't originally supposed to cry, just get moody and be frustrated like a (very cute, very sexy) little kid. I also wasn't planning on Shunsui's POV, but he decided that he had something to say, so there it is. Everything from there just kind of made itself up on the spot. I feel very much like Ukitake's had was on mine as Shunsui peered over my shoulder, nodding and complaining and telling me I should say more about how sexy Ukitake is. Ukitake blushed and swatted at him and I slipped it past the both of them that they're acting like adorable little three-year-olds in love. Tell me what you thought, from the good to the bad to the plain ol' ugly. Also please note that while I have Shunsui and Ukitake visiting in my Imagination (this is an actual place- open the door to my basement, turn to the left and walk through where the doorframe should be, and you'll have found it), I do not own them, and if I did their love would be cannon, with lots of behind-the-scenes fics for you fans. It's not like they'd mess up the plot if they were together. They'd just be really sweet. Which is why I plan on black-mailing Tite-sama on the point, as soon as I get those incriminating pictures. Or I might just write leverage on an envelope and send him that. You never know, he might be convinced. Or I might get arrested and locked away for a really long time. Which is why you must all understand that this is all meant in jest- if one of you is training for the FBI, please do not come arrest me, because I intend the greatly beloved Tite Kubo-sama-sensei no harm. NONE. Also, the side pairings will be coming up soon, so please tell me who you want to see and who you want to see them with. I've already got some ideas, but yours may well be better, so have at. Thanks again to all you cookie-earning people and those of you who are about to join their ranks- you know who you are.

The Hatter, out!


	5. What is Unchanged and What is Changing

Don't own 'em; don't pretend to. Also, I sadly make no money- my only profit come in the increasing goodness of my soul as I write. Enjoy, and please review even if you don't like it.

Shunsui

Ukitake's head jerked in my hands as he turned to look at me in bewilderment.

"_What?_" He sputtered, eyes flickering frantically back and forth across my face. Maybe he was looking to see if I was kidding. Maybe he was just really confused. He had a right to be confused. _I _was confused.

I discovered Nanao, choosing her from the ranks of soldiers as the fifth seat when all the seated officers were wiped out in a war about three hundred years ago. By the time Nanao made third seat forty years later I was taking notice of her, in more than the usual way. I could see her potential, great ability and excellent judgment to-boot, but I could also see a kind spark in the eyes behind her protective glasses, stubborn loyalty in her perfect posture and a sharp mind in her quick, precise movements. Fifty years after making her, then a stranger, my officer on no more than a hunch, I was convinced that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Nanao-chan as I had taken to calling her.

Juushiro supported me, of course, making friends with Nanao with an ease I envied though he obviously had no interest in her, nor she any in him. He gave me advice and consoled me through rejection, which was becoming increasingly common at that point. My lieutenant, a man I didn't care for but thoroughly respected was killed trying to save the fifth seat from a menos, and suddenly Nanao wasn't avoidable any more. Faced by the prospect of having to endure her rejections and being constantly reminded of them by her presence, I cracked and did what seemed at the time to be the only thing that I could do- I ran to Juushiro. He talked me down, made me believe in my own strength. If I really loved Nanao, then I just had to keep trying didn't I? He pointed out mildly, telling me that I was too good of a person not to get her if I didn't give up.

I spent a century in constant flirtation, and slowly the rejection went from a stabbing pain below my left collar bone to dull disappointment. For a long time I was proud of myself, thinking I had gotten stronger if the rejection didn't hurt so badly. Then I woke up, exactly 151 years from the day I selected Ise Nanao to become a seated officer and realized quite suddenly that I just didn't love her and that I probably hadn't in over thirty years, maybe longer. I didn't sleep for two days and acted so peculiarly Nanao thought I was sick. I thought on it for a week, trying to work out the seething knot of emotions I'd dredged up and only succeeding in realizing how empty I felt without loving Nanao. After that I was sent to earth to deal with a rogue menos and when I returned I had come to the conclusion that I needed Juushiro, the only person who could maybe make heard or tail of everything I was feeling.

Yama-jii got to me for the meeting before I could get to Juushiro, and then he was ill. I spent two weeks struggling to reconcile my own emotions and an ever larger fear for Juushiro. I made my peace with Nanao, who did her utmost to keep my sane and functional as I panicked over Juu. I didn't love her, not in a romantic sense, but Nanao was still a good girl who had taken excellent care of me for the last century, and I was still fond of her in the warm way you feel about someone much younger than you are whom you very much want to take care of.

Thinking back on the first day I still got shivers- The minute Juu was on the stretcher, writhing in agony despite Isane's best efforts, they were all shunpo-ed away. I made it back to the infirmary fast enough to watch them hustle him through the doors, still thrashing on the stretcher, his white hair smeared with blood. I only saw his face for a second. I wished almost immediately that I hadn't- contorted with pain and spattered with blood, the image brought back a million memories of too-close-encounters and near death experiences. Juu collapsed somewhere about six, and after a half-hour of restless pacing, I could bear the suspense no longer. I untied the knots in my shoulders, took a deep breath and opened myself to the reiatsu.

It hit me like a body slam, the way I thought it would feel to run headlong into a steel wall. Pain, crashing, screaming, godless _pain_. Even filtered through Unohana's emergency room wards, meant to stand up to the reiatsu of seated officers undergoing emergency operations which would have been strong enough to turn Nanao's reiatsu into a whisper, his reiatsu was staggering. Completely out of control, the initial shock sent me reeling; I lost my balance and almost fell into a wall. I could feel ghost daggers viciously stabbing into muscles that were suddenly aching with soreness. Hammers crashed on my skull and pick-axes striking behind my eyes made stars bloom before me. My stomach rebelled, and I forced it down. Keeping it there was a constant struggle and while moving hurt, sitting still was worse. Somehow, even though the pain struck at me, real as anything, it was a ghost, a shadow that hung over me without touching me, only taunting.

Nanao was a distraction for a while, and her presence a comfort; her steady reiatsu was an anchor in the mad storm that Ukitake had become. Ukitake exploded in pain and I was forced to run to the bathroom where I fell to my knees, bracing my arms on the toilet seat so I could bring up my stomach repeatedly. Empty of even liquid, I knelt there convulsing uncontrollably for an eternity, acid burning my mouth and roughening my throat as my aching stomach muscles continued to spasm desperately trying to force up something that wasn't there. I had to sit for an eternity more, struggling to breathe before I was able to get up and go reassure Nanao who was worrying about me. Trust her to know why I was really going to the bathroom. The next two weeks were a living hell spent questioning my own fickleness and the never dissolving knot of terror in the back of my mind that I'd lose him.

Suddenly, nothing else mattered. Without Juushiro's presence, or even just his reiatsu in my senses, everything else was thrown out of balance, losing any semblances of order or reason. I wanted, _needed _, Juushiro and the capacity of that need, that desire I still didn't understand. I just knew that I wanted to crush him to me, so close that we were one person and never let go. I couldn't or wouldn't or simply didn't think beyond that. Now, faced with his confusion, my mind swirled all over again though my resolve to sort things out never wavered. I had Juushiro. I could sort all the rest out, just as long as he was there.

"Shun, what do you mean?" He asked hurriedly, frowning deeply.

"Just what I said. I don't love her." I told him patiently, waiting for him to accept it before I went any farther.

"Wha- bu-y-" He cut off there, took a deep breath, and schooled his features from a flickering whirlwind of emotion to something steadier, more constant. "I don't understand. I know you loved her. I could see it in your eyes" he told me, still frowning. Without knowing why, I felt a pang.

"It was an infatuation. I still care about her Juu, of course I do" I assured him. "I can't turn my feelings on and off that much" I added wryly. "Nanao's a great girl and I love her, but in more of a friendly way. Given the chance, I'd give her a kiss on the cheek just for being a good girl and nothing more." I told him. He stared at me, his face blank as if someone had wiped it clean.

"I don't know why, so don't ask me Juu-kun. That's just how it is" I told him, forestalling the inevitable question.

"Close your eyes, it's time for the conditioner to come out" I instructed, filling the forgotten pitcher with water as he closed his eyes obediently. I poured the water over his head and worked the conditioner free of his hair, pulling my fingers through the soft tresses, but he didn't respond this time. The tub had finally emptied so I used the pitcher to rinse the rest of him down one last time, then went for the towels.

Juushiro had to have an answer. I had surprised him, but that was expected. I hadn't anticipated the flurry of unchecked emotion, but Juushiro had a way of surprising me when I least wanted him to. He _had_ to have an answer. _He had to. _

_***_

Ukitake

I sat in the bathtub, dripping water with my mouth hanging open. _"I don't love Nanao"_. Not Nanao-chan. Just Nanao. Isane said they came together to visit. Unohana noted that they were getting on unusually well. Even as I felt the blow drive home that I was losing him for good, I was glad for Shun. He had seen enough heartbreak over her. _But he didn't love her_.

My heart was pounding, slamming forcefully against my rib cage as my mind raced. I felt something I hadn't dared to feel in centuries: hope. There was just the slimmest, tiniest fraction of a chance for me. I was bad for Shun, and wrong for him at the same time, but that couldn't stop me wishing. Ill and slowly dying of it, I could only drag him down; weak and quiet I didn't have any of the bright color he craved, but I still wanted him, needed him so badly I ached with it. While he was pining after Nanao I had been able to tell myself that there was no chance, and I had done my best to help him so that he could be happy. Now, hope and doubts washed over me anew. I stared through the wall, seeing his face again.

"_I don't love Nanao." _ Strangely, I suddenly believed it. So he didn't love her, not romantically. My heart settled, beginning to slow its pounding at last. Shun was confused, unsure of himself. It was in his eyes, and he wouldn't have come to me, kidnapped me practically to tell me if he didn't need help sorting it out. With my own panic behind me, I could reassure Shunsui without trouble.

It was something I had become used to, slowly, by sheer necessity. Shunsui; strong, reliable, loyal Shunsui, respected by Yama-jii as a flawless judge of character, was at a loss when it came to himself. Shun was introspective, always questioning his own thoughts, motives and feelings and through that he had a pretty good understanding of his own mind. He knew where he stood and he knew why, but somehow his emotions always managed to trip him up. Faced by feelings he couldn't reason through, Shunsui wrecked, losing faith easily in his own ability to understand people, and turned infallibly to me. I knew Shun almost as well as I knew myself, and I had learned that he just needed to be reminded that I believed in him. I told him that he could do it, that I had never once doubted him, and he believed me.

It wasn't an issue I faced because unlike Shun I had come to terms with what I was and what I was not. I was weak, but I was strong too, even if only because I accepted my own weakness, and I didn't try to fight that. I just took what I was given and did my best with it. What else could I do?

I shivered slightly. Without the water the room had quickly gone cold, and I was already beginning to chill. By the time Shunsui returned with an armful of towels I was huddled in the corner of the tub, shivering convulsively. He caught sight of me and covered the rest of the distance in three smooth strides. The towels were warm and fluffy, all white and large enough for Shunsui. He wrapped the first around my shoulders and set the rest down so he could lift me out of the tub, holding me upright long enough to wrap the towel around me, then returned me to his arms. He set the other two in my lap, and I pulled myself closer to him. He let me and I lay my head across his shoulder, still shivering, so I could inhale his smell of cherry blossoms, earthy spice and deep musk. My eyes drifted closed and I didn't move when his fingers brushed my cheek. He ran a hand through my hair, and my breath caught in my throat. Even though it made me dizzy I couldn't breathe for a moment. He pushed a stray strand back from my face and the air came whistling out in a raspy almost-sigh. Shun pulled me closer, tightening the loose circle of his arms around me, holding the cold at bay with his body heat.

It was a second's walk to the bed, but his hand staying on my hair made it seem longer, an interminable forever in one moment. Then it was over and he set me down on the bed with the towels, helping me sit up. I braced my hands on the side of the bed, supporting myself.

"You got it?" He lifted one brow, warning me not to try to do more than I should.

"I'm fine. Promise" I smiled, determined to at least do that much. Shun pursed his lips, but took me at my word and let me go. Without his support, my weight fell on my arms and trunk and I wobbled for a minute until I was able to stay upright without too much difficulty.

Looking impressed Shun wrung out my hair, carefully toweling it dry then put it over one shoulder then started on the rest of me, rubbing me down from my chest to my toes. Satisfied that he hadn't felt a drop of water on me anywhere, Shun dressed me in a soft yukata that had no sleeves on it. Meant to fit Shun loosely, everything was a bit big on me, but the clothes were soft and they smelled like him which was enough for me.

"I'll be right back." Shun told me, heading for the bathroom

I was starting to feel the strain on my muscles, mostly my back and shoulders, but I stayed upright until Shunsui returned with a brush in hand although my arms had begun to tremble under the strain. Shun plopped down in the middle of the bed, settling himself against the headboard, then looped an arm about by waist and pulled me to him. He shifted behind me, sitting cross-legged, and pulled me into his lap so I could lean back against him, my hair in easy reach. I didn't resist, letting the arm around my middle pull my right up against him and tried not to think about things too much. Thinking those sorts of uncomfortable thougths while sitting on Shunsui's lap, in his bed with his arms around me could not end well. Even so, I felt a stirring of heat in my gut at sharp contrast with the rest of my cool body. I ignored it, my tired muscles leaving me no choice but to rest against Shunsui. Even if I had the strength to sit on my own, I wouldn't have, preferring to lie against his warm body. Preffering the safety he promised me with his touch, and unable to resist the sensation, the surge of emotions that he sent whirling through me just by brushing his hand against mine.

He kept his arm around me and leaned my shoulders forward so he could brush my hair. I was limp in his arms, enjoying the feeling of the brush gliding through my hair. Shun was gentle, working through any tangles without pulling, something he must have learned from experience with his own thick curls. He brushed out all my hair with limitless patience, making it so smooth it felt like silk on my neck and shoulders, a relief after how dry and brittle it had been on my skin before.

The work done, Shun let me lean my shoulders back so my head rested on his chest and shoulder then went straight to the play, running his hands repeatedly through my hair, ruffling it here and letting his fingers dance along my scalp there. From our first week as roommates in the Academy, housed together in the rooms nearest Yama-jii who personally tutored us in nearly everything, Shun had often told me how much he loved my hair, how beautiful it was. I could never see the beauty, though I had always been paradoxically vain of it. Even after it went white, just one more way my body had turned on me, I still took care to keep it brushed and well kempt. It was a sign of weakness, just one more tell-tale give away of the fact that I was damaged goods, beyond repair. Like all my weak points I had accepted that it was merely the way it was. _Que Sara Sara- _whatever will be will be, and whatever had been, had been. I could do nothing about it, so I did my best with what I was given and tried to make my hair the best it could be.

When I realized that Shun liked it, I let it grow out, taking even better care of it in the hopes that he would take notice. It was worth it for his face when I told him I'd decided to leave it long rather than cutting it for the summer as I usually did and let it grow. It was even more worth it when he insisted point blank that I let him play with it, just as he was doing now. Apparently having had his fill of my hair, Shun pulled it back and quickly made a smooth plait of it, tying the thick braid off with an elastic. He draped it over my shoulder and wrapped his arms around me, grabbing ahold of my hand. His hand over mine, he laced his fingers through mine and pulled me right against him. He squeezed me, then relaxed, his body softening against me. The last thing I remember is his thumb gently rubbing circles on my hand. Then I was gone

***

Damn, but I love this pairing. Please excuse my naughty word ^^! But really, this pairing is just awesome and I am so happy to be writing it. Ukitake is tragic and sexy. Shunsui is so adorable and he's suffering from Cardcaptor Sakura syndrome- he's head over heels in love and he still has no clue. It's the cutest frickin thing. And, once again, my plans for this fic have been thrown a loop by the ever devious Ukitake and Shunsui. This means, that yet again, I have _no idea _where this is going. Which means I might be just as surprised as you all when the next chapter comes out. So folks, all bets are off for chapter six. Cross your fingers and hope for the best. I know I will! Review away, my pretties!!

The Hatter


	6. What Is Thought

Hey all, I'm back!! School's back on too, so there will be delays but I've got my report card (all A's, baby!) and I'm not going to let anything come between me and Ukitake and Shunsui- or just between those two for that matter. I'd also like to say OMG because I got almost ONE THOUSAND VIEWERS in march for all of my fics (there are only 4, including this one). Here's to that and more in the coming months!!! Everyone, I've started a new forum for pairings (ALL pairings) so please stop by and let me know what you want to see. If you'd like to see a new forum topic, again let me know. With that said, Shunsui and Ukitake aren't mine. Neither are any of the others, or even soul society. Woe is me. Here they are.

Warning: this is a yaoi fic, and here you begin to see why. It's a writers duty to write things without omission, so that's what I've done- omitting potentially offensive material takes away from the power of the piece. By the same token it is the duty of the audience to choose to view what appeals to them. I will insert a notice at the beginning and end of explicit material so you can skip over it and keep reading. Doing this shouldn't hurt your understanding of the plot, but just in case I'll share important info in an after-note. This chapter will contain minor non-explicit sexual references/activities. I have never censored innuendos and I'm not about to start now- I _really _don't think they deserve a warning because if you don't know, you won't get it. You have been warned, all concerns duly noted.

Ukitake

The first thing I was aware of was warmth. Waking up, this was unusual- no matter the number of blankets I can hardly retain any body heat so I usually wake up at the temperature of the room or cold. I sleep with blankets in summer and even then it's rare for me to stay warm. The next realization was that I was not in my own bed- my sheets weren't silk, my bed was a thin pallet-like mattress on it's low wood frame. The firm mattress also had give, letting it shape to my form and the sheers were a whisper on my bare arms that could only be silk. That led to the final, key realization in my sleep-fogged mind.

I was not wearing my own clothes. I let out a deep breath silently, smiling at how painless it had become and remembering the events of yesterday. I blinked my eyes blearily open, shifting a little where I lye and found out the most important fact of all.

I was warm, not because of improved health or cleanliness. Not even because I had escaped my prison of white on wood. No, it was not for any of these reasons but because a very hot Shunsui was sleeping next to me, both arms wrapped around me to be sure that I could pull myself out of the curve of his body. I was lying on my side, my back pressed against him. One of his arms was under me, bent so his hand rested near my shoulder. The other arm crossed my waist at the elbow, his forearm holding me close, his fingers twisted in the cloth of my Yukata. Only a second off from my own pounding heart was the steady thud of his. His breathing, even and soft in sleep, stirred the loose hairs at the base of my neck while the rest of my hair, still mostly plaited hung over one shoulder.

I could feel my face heating up into a deep blush, the slamming of my heart pumping more blood to my face. I was suddenly hot and itching to move, but my body was frozen stock still. I forced myself to take a deep breath, feeling the customary twinge as my lungs fully expanded, then again as I forced the air all the way out of them, slowly feeling my heart slow, the fire leeched from my veins. I took a few more breaths like that, enjoying the ability to use my lungs properly, feeling them expand and collapse without sending daggers of pain throughout my body. Calm, or as much as I could be, but still faintly pink, I relaxed into Shun's arms, leaning back against the steady rise and fall of his chest.

He muttered indistinctly, pulling me closer and grumbling into my hair. "Juu. . ." he mumbled "Don't do that" he frowned, rolling his shoulders "It tickles Juushiro. . " he sighed my name, curling up tighter against me and fell silent again, falling into a deeper sleep. He nuzzled my neck, resting his face on me so his hair brushed my chin while his chin fit snuggly over my collar bone. His skin was deliciously hot on mine, paper thin and cold by comparison. If I breathed deeply, I could smell him- the luxurious scent of sakuras, the clean herbs and delicate sweetness of his hair all over an underlying dark musk like deep shadows, dark amber and old polished metals.

I didn't realize I was asleep until I woke up a second time, cold in Shunsui's absence.

***

[Shunsui]

Waking up holding Juushiro was the may be the most pleasantly surprising event of the last five hundred years. Maybe longer. The first thing I was aware of was his heart beat, a little faster than mine, tattooing its steady rhythm on my chest. Next I noticed the tip of his braid tickling my chest. His body was warm against mine, unusual for Juushiro who could hardly retain any heat, and I was hot.

For a few moments I was so wrapped up in the blissful sensation that was Juushiro, peaceful in sleep, that I was unaware of anything else. It took a few moments for me to notice that my body had decided now was the best time to put me in a compromising and uncomfortable situation. _(Mild sex reffrences start now: those with virgin ears and pure minds please jump ship now- THM)_ At least I knew why I woke up hot and sweaty. Carefully, as slowly as I was able I inched my body away from Juushiro thanking all the Gods that may or may not exist that he was a heavy sleeper. Someone who slept a little lighter would have been woken up by my morning libido poking them in the thigh.

"Morning wood" wasn't new to me- when I was younger it was a pretty regular thing. As I grew up and began to focus less on laying pretty girls and more on just about everything else it happened less and less often. Recently it only happened once or twice every few months - a vast improvement on the two or three times a week of my youth. The last time was probably two and a half months ago, caused as near as I could tell by a collision with Matsumoto which resulted in a precariously close position and a good look down her already-revealing robes. That fact that it had happened now, with Ukitake here was disturbing and a little worrying to say the least- being discovered would have been awkward and Juu would have asked all kinds of questions. Questions I couldn't answer; not to myself and not to him.

I slipped my arm out from under him, setting him down without even a single bump. I pulled the blankets up around him and quietly made for the bathroom, strange dreams of being chased down by Juushiro who wanted to punish me by tickling me chasing circles in my head. I slid the door shut behind me with a tiny, muted click and turned to lean on it with a sigh. I shifted from foot to foot, my discomfort increasing with wakefulness. _(Less-than-mild innuendos up-and-coming: if you think that's what she said jokes are perverted be warned off here- THM) _ I had two options now- jack off or get _really _cold, _really _quickly. Any kind of noise would wake up Juushiro, and while I'm talented in many ways, and I have come silently before I can't control myself and I never knew what was going to happen until the moment. Which ruled out jacking off.

_(I will now commence with unrestrained, if mild pervertedness. No matter how many of you suggest that I be ashamed of myself, if will not happen, so I'm sorry in advanced. If you too are a perv, then enjoy my imaginary conspiratorial smirk and read happily onward)_

With a heart-felt sigh I ran the shower, throwing my clothes to some corner of the room. The sight of my arousal greeted me, an aching hard-on the likes of which I hadn't seen in years. I turned the taps, making sure it was as icy cold as it came- which was icy indeed. I knew this because once, when drunk, Nanao had stuck me under it to wake me up. Then, I had sworn I would never subject myself to that mind-numbing, bone shattering cold willingly. Now I was trying to blank my mind so I wouldn't psych myself out- there are worse things than cold. Right?

Wrong. I yelped when I stepped under it, a tiny sound that was lost in the water. I had to fight myself not to jump out of the painfully cold jets that were pounding my body. Why had I wanted such good water pressure anyway? I shivered, running my hands rapidly up and down my goose-bumped arms. It was _cold, _Damn it! Who's stupid fucking idea was it to run cold water straight from fucking Antarctica? Probably mine, if I thought about it. I didn't think about it until much, much later because being so cold that you shoot straight past numb and into tingling isn't very good for a rational thought process.

Even so, shriveling in the liquid ice that was pounding me, I could feel hot blood thudding through my length, reluctant to give up the last of its hardness. I stayed under the water for what felt like forever, unable to feel a single thing but the lingering warmth between my legs, persisting even when utterly deflated. At last, I had had enough and turned off the water to stand shivering on the mosaic of white and pink tiles.

I would have liked to warm back up, but I knew all too well that even warm water would bring my erection back stronger than ever. The tense, knotty frustrated feeling in my gut wouldn't go away until I'd had my release, but I could keep the tell-tale signs at bay at least until Ukitake was safely home. Which brought me back to thoughts which I believe were best left carefully avoided. Obviously, my mind had other ideas.

I got an erection while sleeping next to Juushiro. The next thing I had to wonder is if I got it _from _sleeping next to Juushiro. I only had to remember my flings in the Academy days and all the time I had spent trying not to remember that no matter who I slept with, I only saw his face when I came. Then, I had put it down to hormones (which I still blame for that awkward period of my life to this day). Now, still sleeping around and still sometimes seeing him, I couldn't blame these things on the puberty I had left nearly six centuries behind me. Which left only one possible option. I was lusting after my best friend. Combined with the intensity of my feelings for him, it made for a bad combination- people you like are always the most attractive, after all.

_(Explicity ends here- mild references may follow)_

I knew I was missing something, a niggling thought that nudged my subconscious in a direction that it did not want to take, and blocked out. Unsettling as it was, lust for Juushiro I could deal with. As many times as I had shared a bed with a warm body, I had probably shared a bed with nothing more than my own hands just as many times and would in the future many times more. I was confident that I could contain myself- desire was something I had dealt with in the past. I also didn't have any problems with bisexuals- I just never thought it was for me.

Every once in a while I'd see a comrade experimenting with his sexuality, and it made me think. For about a week I looked appraisingly at everyone, wondering not only if they might "play for both teams" or "the other team", but also in the case of the men taking a closer look to see if _I _thought they were attractive.

Mostly, I found myself to be indifferent although Byakuya at that age did have a certain appeal. Among the other assorted disconcerting yeses were Renji and Yumichika. I was so close to Ukitake, that I exempted him entirely from this scrutiny, but looking back that was probably just oblivion to my own desires. Now I wondered if physical attraction hadn't drawn me to him before I even knew him for who he was. I decided against it almost as soon as the thought crossed my mind- Ukitake is the one who sought me, perversely determined to draw me out of my sadistic, cynical shell. Before I knew it, spurning his optimism (at the time, seemingly misguided) turned to pummeling the boys who snickered quietly about his fragile appearance or mocking him for his snowy hair. I don't think I realized until I had left the mark of my fists in each of their noses how angry it made me watching Ukitake flush with shame and hide his face, shadows falling over his sunny features. That was a turning point, for me and our friendship, the point where I realized that friends could be a good thing (or at least that Ukitake as a friend could be a good thing).

I stood in the shower, shivering as the water dripped from my straggling curls, still in their pony tail. I stepped out, shuddering as the cool breeze filtering through a ceiling vent hit my body. I freed my hair, wringing out the mass of thick curls before tying them back again. That done I toweled off unenthusiastically, disheartened by the lack of a satisfactory conclusion and the numb chill that had taken up residence in the marrow of my bones. I twisted the towel around my hips and looked in the mirror. Beneath my tan skin I was white with cold, a loose curl plastered to my face. I shoved it back from my face, pausing to take in my appearance, wondering idly if Ukitake thought I was attractive. I went and dressed, still cold in a _very _loose cotton robe of all white. The cool, rough cloth hung on my icy skin, even the familiar pink of my quarters unable to encroach on the ice that had consumed me.

I had successfully killed my body's arousal, but the flame at its core, like banked coals hid in my core checked only by the force of my will holding it at bay. It was a war, keeping it that way until I was alone, and one I was grimly determined to win.

_(ALL EXPILICICTY ENDS HERE)_

Soundless, unseeing, unseen, and cold all the way through I went to the kitchen and put on a large kettle for tea- Ukitake always had at least three cups in the morning. Whether or not I drank any would depend on how well I could hold together and how long it took for Ukitake to piece together my scattered heart. These grim thoughts in mind, I stared off into space, oblivious to the world.

***

Sorry it was short, guys! I just can't seem to write too much at a time lately, and I'm not sure where I'm going anymore since Ukitake and Shunsui keep screwing with my plans so things might get a bit slow. Also, for those of you who have read my fic Into The Black, I'd like to say that I have signed over to your guest writer who has the next chapter in her hands. Which means that updates are now out of _my_ hands. In other news, I'm also working on typing and uploading a new Roy/Ed fic that I started at the beginning of the school year, so please be on the look out for that. I'm always looking for ideas so if you want to see something written, throw me a line and I'll do my utmost. If I post something inspired by you, due credit will be given in the intro, and/or summary. Aside from that, this IS an M rated fic now for a reason, and it IS yaoi. I like these things. If you don't, I still support your right to read good Shunsui/Ukitake fics so please note that warnings will be posted prior to all explicitness.

The Non-Perv. Update: Shunsui, finding himself attracted to Ukitake, takes a cold shower to cool down. He mulls over his thoughts, deciding to deal with what he thinks is physical attraction. He notes that although he never had a problem with gayness, he never thought he would be gay. He remembers how he met Ukitake and beating up people who bullied him then gets out of the shower, determined not to let Ukitake know he wants him.

It was really hard to clean that up. . .

So, until next time,

The Hatter Maddox


	7. What Is Unsaid

Loyal fans and new readers alike, I have returned! I blame my absence entirely on Shun and Ukitake who insisted on goofing off while they were supposed to be working. Luckily, they have sauntered back into my mind and agreed to get back to work. Anyway, this is a little bit slow for a bit, but bear with me, for I do have a purpose and it will be clear. Also, the last few chapters have been sadly lacking in reviews TT_TT. Sniffle. If they don't pick up, writing is only going to slow down more folks, so EVERYONE reading this, please review. Yes, _EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU_. Thanks guys, and enjoy!

[Ukitake]

I shivered, drawing the thick blankets closer around my body to no avail. Without Shunsui's body heat beside me, the warmth I had so enjoyed had leeched away, leaving me cold and clinging to the blanket which was still warm from him in hopes of not getting any colder. Like me, without an outside source the blankets quickly lost their last vestiges of warmth, dashing my hopes with a chill. Still shivering, I curled up, drawing my knees and arms to my chest to conserve whatever warmth I had left.

I opened my senses, sensing Shunsui's reiatsu heading my way, but unusually subdued. Poor Shun- he was probably too worried to sleep in.

"Good morning" His low voice filled the room as he smiled at me. "Sleep well, Juu?" He asked, leaning in the door frame as his dark eyes swept over me, taking in my shivers.

"I-I d-did" I smile weakly, trying not to let my teeth chatter. Shun's eyebrows snapped together. In an instant he was at the bedside, laying his hand across my forehead.

"Jyuu, you feel like ice!" He exclaimed, worry carved into his features. His hand was warm, hot enough that it's heat radiated through my face. I leaned into the touch, a convulsive shiver running up my spine. His eyes widened, guilt clear in their depths.

"C'mere" He opened his arms, quickly but gently pulling me upright. Once he had me sitting, my weak body supported by him, he pulled me against his trunk. His arm wrapped securely around my waist, my shoulder was tucked under his arm so that I could curl against his side, savoring the warmth the came from his body like a fire. I remembered him being warmer, but he could be no colder than me. I shivered, huddling against his side.

"Sorry, Jyuu" He said softly, his voice tight. When I glanced up his features were drawn in hard lines, his eyes averted to stare unseeing through some other thing. My heart twinged. Shun always blamed himself for everything, things that could never have been his fault by anyone else reasoning. He was always so hard on himself, the cuttingly cynical critic he wouldn't be to anyone else. It was the legacy of the angry depression of his younger years.

When he was really young he didn't have very many friends, so his family was everything. In our first few years at the academy he was the quiet one; he had one or two people he'd talk to, but was never really social. About my fifth year, Shun changed. He didn't talk to his old friends, he dropped on the class ranking, he was angry, always angry. Wild rumors flew about "That Kyoraku boy"- gangs, drinking, clubbing, beatings; you name it and Shunsui had supposedly done it. When confronted by these rumors, Shunsui would lower the rim of his hat, turn and leave. I never believed the rumors. It took years and years to befriend him, slowly drawing him out of his cynical, sarcastic self-hating shell. In Shunsui I discovered someone who needed more than anything to be trusted, a friend who was loyal to the death. Slowly, I grew to cherish his lazily wicked sense of humor, unique perspectives, peace-making tendencies and his ability to instantly read someone down to the core of what they were.

After the big break with his family, he never really recovered. He didn't seem to trust anyone, he lost his motivation and with it his sense of self-worth. It hurt me, watching Shunsui's utter self-depreciation; watching someone so strong, so wonderful tell me he was worthless, it was hard to watch. In honesty, he hadn't left all of it behind him. Mostly though, he had learned to live with himself in peace. Still, I always took care of him; refusing to let him take the blame (for anything), refusing to let him quietly hate himself. I had loved him so long, had been his friend so long that any less seemed wrong. It was better than seeing him like this.

I got closer and leaned my head against his shoulder, laying my cheek against his skin. I smiled up at him, a question- he blinked down at me and I saw mild surprise there, and behind it something other. After a moment he smiled dryly, a soft chuckle passing his lips.

"Why don't you wait in the living room while I make breakfast? The tea should be done already." He suggested, his face offering penance. I tilted my head, looking up at him in confusion. Breakfast? And since when had Shunsui cooked?

Last I knew he could manage little more than a pot of rice although tea, he _had _mastered. He laughed, his eyes suddenly merry.

"Say yes Juu" He urged me, his smile saying he had no concept of rejection. I laughed.

"Yes"

Apparently, that was all Shun needed. With a great victorious grin, he scooped me lightly up in his arms and took me away. I smiled, maybe not as happy as I could have (should have) been, but content. Shun was smiling after all, and for the pathetic likes of me, there wasn't better than that.

So, this took me quite a while! Lately, Shunsui just hasn't been cooperating, and without him Ukitake is all sad and sulky. Anyway, I'm not really sure I like it, but I can't seem to do any better, so for now I'm going to post it. Now, more than ever before, I need reviews. If you guys have ideas, I really need to hear them now, because I'm no longer sure where I'm going or what's happening. If you all like it, I'll keep going, so review!


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